Masturbation as a Form of Self-Injury after Sexual Child Abuse (via Blooming Lotus)


PLEASE don’t read if this will trigger you.

Very brave and unfortunately very valid. I needed to see this expressed somehow and her post is incredibly honest. I’m not anything. I’m so fragmented emotionally right now. I just needed to put this on my blog.

Masturbation as a Form of Self-Injury after Sexual Child Abuse Today I am going to talk about a very difficult topic that affects many survivors of severe child abuse, particularly those who experienced severe sexual abuse and/or ritual abuse. The topic is using masturbation as a form of self-injury. People who self-injure with masturbation tend to be women who use objects that cut, burn, or otherwise harm their genitals while they masturbate. I know women who have used anything from knives to hot curling ir … Read More

via Blooming Lotus

About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
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10 Responses to Masturbation as a Form of Self-Injury after Sexual Child Abuse (via Blooming Lotus)

  1. castorgirl says:

    Hi tai,

    I can understand you needing the validation that comes from reading posts which talk about what you’re experiencing. But please, go gently. There is sometimes a fine line between validating and re-victimising the system. I don’t want to put you off reading things, but to be as aware of the entire system as possible when you do. Do parts need to go to safe places? Is it the right time to read the material? Do you need a break from the heavy work to soothe and ground?

    Take care,
    CG

    • tai0316 says:

      I understand what you’re saying CG. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know how to send parts to safe places. What does that mean? I read about people doing that but I don’t know how to do that. I think I’m looking for reasons and a way to not feel like such a freak. I have no idea what to do with parts or systems or anything, I’m all confused and out of sorts. I feel incomplete and kind of light-headed. Sorry for the posts I didn’t mean to make anyone mad.

      • castorgirl says:

        Nothing is wrong with you. You’re trying to work things out, and that is understandable.

        Once I talked to another survivor who understood my sexual dysfunction, and did something similar, I felt a whole lot less crazy and disgusting. It suddenly put my behaviour into the realms of “potential outcomes”. So, I do get it. But the thing is, seeking that knowledge and validation can mean you read or see some pretty scary things on the way. What I suggest, is that you really pay attention to how you are feeling as you are reading the posts – does your anxiety increase, do you feel spacey and disorientated, etc. If that’s happening, then you’re not grounded and it could be risky for yourself and the system. So take a break. Do something soothing.

        No one’s mad at you. We’re worried.

      • tai0316 says:

        Thank you :) I’m slightly worried myself and definitely spacey. I need to do something like watch Star Trek or something else that calms me down. Part of the problem is that this stuff also messes with my bipolar problems and makes things worse. I’m really not together right now. But I do understand what you mean, about the reading. I going into fact mode again and that means I want information and even more importantly exactly what you said : validation. But again as you said that’s some heavy stuff to get into. I feel like I need to get in touch with my system, everything’s all scrambled around inside but I’m not sure what to do to help my parts or myself. There’s only so much ice cream I can eat today :)
        Thank you for being there for me. I’m sorry to keep dumping all this crap on you and on everyone.

      • faithallen says:

        Hi, Tai.

        I am glad that my blog entry helped you but also sorry that it triggered you. Here is a safe blog entry I wrote about how to send your alter parts to a safe place:

        http://faithallen.wordpress.com/2010/10/26/visualization-creating-a-%E2%80%9Csafe-place%E2%80%9D-in-your-head/

        I hope you find it helpful. If you need more of a “how to,” you can email me at faith_amom@hotmail.com or post a comment to that blog entry.

        - Faith from Blooming Lotus

      • tai0316 says:

        Hi Faith!
        Thank you so much for the link and thank you for coming here to comment, I appreciate it. I didn’t mean to make it sound like your entry caused me any pain or anything, I think I’m getting tripped up by everything right now. But, I love your blog and I’m so grateful that you’ve done this! I will read the entry you sent, thank you! :)

  2. I'm DID & so am I says:

    It took years before I received the validation, I felt so much pain for those who were going through what I was/am. I was hoping I was the only one.

    jo

    • tai0316 says:

      Exactly. I felt bad that others do that but it’s still comforting to know it’s not just you right?
      Speaking of comfort, I wanted to say to you that I’ve been reading what you say here and on other blogs and I want you to know that I think you’re strong and brave and that I’m so very sorry that you’re hurting. You’re not alone. I just wanted to say that. I feel the pain you’re in when I read your comments and I hurt for you and I wanted you to know that you’re in my thoughts, honestly. I hope you find something beautiful today.

  3. roseroars says:

    I agree with CG about creating a safe space inside. It can be whatever you need – a safety circle, a big room, a house, a tree house, etc.. Then you could ask the younger parts to play there with any toys you (and they) can imagine, eat snacks, or watch movies. In their safe space they will be buffered if you decide to read stuff that may be triggering. Just a thought.

    And…you can never eat too much ice cream. Doritos, yes, but not ice cream.

    Lisa

    • tai0316 says:

      lol!
      Just Doritos huh? When I gain 10lbs from chocolate chip cookie dough we’ll talk :)
      Thank you for describing the safe space. I’m going to read and re-read what you said and think about how to do that and I’m going to read Faith’s entry that she sent so I can understand what that means. I gotta do something so I’m not so fragmented with chaos running rampant in my head.
      You’re the best Lisa.

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