After deciding to try out the viola, I decided to follow through with something else that I have a deep desire to do which is to write. I’m talking about writing fiction. I’ve literally had a trilogy in my head for 3 years that I’ve been too afraid to actually write because I don’t know what I’m doing and I wouldn’t know how to begin to get something published if I even managed to finish it. The story is good. Even I, with all of my crushing self-esteem issues knows that. But, I’m afraid of everything that goes with trying to pursue that.
So, I did the next best thing for me which is writing fiction purely for pleasure. I’ve always loved this site called, fanfiction.net. It lets people who love various books, movies, video games, television shows etc. write fiction based on these franchises. I’m a huge nerd and video game lover so I would read all of these cool stories that other fans would write based on these universes. Fantasy writing at its best and it’s so cool to see how talented people are. Anyway, I decided to try my hand at it and I started writing a story. I was surprised that people like it and are following it as I publish each chapter and sending reviews to me. There’s no money, you don’t get paid for it, but it helps refine your writing since people give you feedback as you try out your writing style. I’m surprised how happy it makes me to put a chapter up and see people really enjoy it. It’s cool too because only people who into the same stuff I’m into read it and so they really get it we can get all fan-goofy on the site. It’s pure indulgence for me and it’s anonymous so no one knows who I am. It’s an outlet and I like it. It’s different from blogging because here, I’m me and I’m so close to all of you, you’re like a kind of family. Over there I’m just another random fangirl writing nerd stuff and I can pretend to be a writer. 
Well, I’m suddenly having bipolar trouble so I’m gonna wrap this up.
This is bizarre, tai – I’ve had an entire novel I’n my head for about three years too! The whole plot mapped out, the characterisation perfected, the narrative prose determined. Sometimes it seems like you and I are completely synchronised!
Good luck with Fan Fiction – it’s a great site and I’m sure your fiction writing will go down very well there, just as your factual writing does here
Take care
Pan xxx
Oh man Pandora! I swear we could set our watches by each other sometimes lol!
Thanks for the support. How do you feel about your books, the ones you’ve plotted out? Are you going to try and publish them?
I think I’m paralyzed by fear. I’m afraid of putting so much work into something so personal and then failing at trying to figure out what to do with it afterwards. I’m afraid of a lot of things when it comes to this, so the story and the characters just sit sround waiting for me to do something with them. It’s crazy because I know what they look like, I know their personalities like they’re real but…I’m just scared. Or, maybe I’m a loser because I just sit here wishing and i don’t do anything about it.
Ugh, that became a downer didn’t it.
Well, I’m really curious what you think about your own stories…
The joke must be on me. I finally printed my first 352 double page first draft which my partner is editing with me. I can’t write good english if I tried but she is amazing. Its not a trilogy but is now 6 months since conception with eight weeks off because of bipolar issues. I expect about 6 more months to second draft and perhaps a year after that to complete. Best of luck
Kadlin
Hi Kadlin,
Wow, it sounds like you’ve really got a plan together and you’re actually doing it. That’s great! I hope everything goes as planned for you.
I encourage you to read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. It’s a short book about overcoming resistance to artistic/creative callings. I’m not a writer, I’m a photographer, but the lessons from the book are great. The author, btw, *is* a writer. It took him years to overcome his fears and follow his passion. Look it up. I really, really recommend it. amazon link
Thank you catherine
My local library has a copy so I put a hold on it.
You’re not pretending to be a writer… you are one. You’re writing and people are connecting with what you’ve written, that’s powerful. If it’s a stepping stone to publishing, excellent; if not, you’re still getting something out of it, right?
Hey CG,
I would like to keep a balanced perspective like that. Too much pressure sucks!