-
Recent Posts
WEGO Health Activist Award
TWIM 2011 Award Winner
This Blog Is Available on Psych Central
Archives
- May 2013
- April 2013
- March 2013
- February 2013
- January 2013
- December 2012
- November 2012
- October 2012
- September 2012
- August 2012
- July 2012
- June 2012
- May 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
Categories
-
One Lovely Blog Award
Given graciously by Meredith
Disclaimer
Please remember that I am NOT a doctor or a therapist. I am a patient and I am writing about my own experiences and information that I have gathered from various sources. This blog is not meant to provide medical advice to anyone. If you need help or if you are in crisis please call 911. There is also a suicide/crisis hotline that you can call at: 1-800-273-8255.- © CimmerianInk and Living With Bipolar Disorder, DID and Childhood Abuse 2010- . Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to CimmerianInk and Living With Bipolar Disorder and Childhood Abuse with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Meta
Blogroll
- Blooming Lotus Very honest and open blog discussing sexual abuse
- Crackers & Juiceboxes
- Destinydownward\’s Blog
- Documentation
- Living with Mental Illness
- Mind Parts Wonderful blog written by a male survivor
- My Invisible Scars
- Plugins
- Rose Roars Incredible, honest blog about DID
- Scattered Pieces Scattered Pieces
you are so right in expressing these feelings toward a mother who was horribly abusive. if my mother were still alive it is filled with the kind of sentiment i would want to send to her. she knew while she was alive how i felt and she showed me in her will just what she thought of that by leaving me & my siblings exactly $1.00 a piece from over $650,000 estate. she said in her will that the lawyer sent to each of us in a certified letter with the $1.00 check enclosed: “that they each know why they are getting this.” a raving bitch to the end. she was every kind of abusive to me. so i do understand. even the “m” word is something that i have a hard time using or saying out loud. and when she was alive, whenever i would recieve any of her weird snail mail, i would dread opening it. i would take it to my therapist’s office and have her open it. then i wasn’t even sure if i wanted to know what was in it. as i said it was always so f-ing off the wall certifiably weird. now that she is dead, she isn’t gone. she haunts me in my dreams on a regular basis. i think she died maybe 5 years ago. i don’t do well with time. so, i hope you get that i am trying to give you support even though i have obviously have been triggered into going off on my rant on my own letter “m.”
It’s ok Secret Keeper, I totally got the support.
I’m sorry about your mother. I’ve noticed that using money as an insult can be a common way for parents to send messages and that’s not ok. My therapist has said what you did about the person still being around even when they die. I guess it’s sometimes about healing the damage they did instead of trying to fix them which doesn’t work.
when i told my therapist about reading your letter & seeing your card & how i responded to it, she asked me if i ever thought about writing a letter to my mother to express to her just what she did to me & how it has affected me. the moment she said these words, the thoughts & feelings went through my mind of a great chill & fear. conjuring up that woman in my mind & facing the past with her in my mind feels like more than i could handle. i see my therapist twice a week, so tomorrow i am sure she will bring up that as one of he topics we talk about. it probably is something that i should really consider doing. it is really difficult for me to face my childhood. last time i tried to do that was in a trauma group. at that time i had a different therapist, who i lost about 1 1/2 yrs ago. my therapist today was a co-leader in the group. she told me that i would read what i had written as part of our assignments but there was absolutely no emoiton attached to my presentation. i was so shut down emotionally. we have been taking it slow, getting in touch with those feelings i have buried quite deep inside of me. but if i am going to heal the damage i need to face it openly & honestly. which is more than i feel i am able to do. obviously, i wouldn’t be in therapy all this time if i didn’t want to do this work. i am glad that you have the support you need. that is always important.
Hi Secret Keeper,
I understand how scary it can be to write a letter to someone who hurt you, even when they’ll never read it. There’s nothing wrong with taking things slow. Healing isn’t a race, you don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for..
I hope your session went well.
hi, thanks for writing. what i have written i believe i am going to include in a post i am writing. with minor changes. (written after what is below)
well, actually my next session, when i told my therapist that i started writing a post on writing a letter to my mother. just to express my feelings about the idea of doing that. she told me she thought that was good but she didn’t want me to talk about my blog posts. she felt that i was avoiding therapy. instead she wanted me to talk about death & suicide & my childhood abuse. she felt it was time. well, i will tell you that she really freaked me out. i still have that post on the prelim of writing the letter to my mother but it is in draft form. i agree with you – healing is not a race. i know that i am good at avoidance but there are reasons. facing certains things can cause bad things to happen in your mind if you push forward too quickly. even the idea that she will never read it still makes it scary. two nights ago i had the worse nightmare & my dead mother & younger brother who has been in a psych hospital since nov. were in it. i was there prisoner or at least that is what it felt like. is the thought of writing the letter making my dreams turn into nightmares or are my nightmares trying to tell me something?
tell me if i am saying too much. i’m not sure if i am a good guage of what is okay right now.
I don’t think you said too much here. I do think it worrisome that your therapist directs your conversations instead of letting you talk about what you want. I suppose different therapists have different methods but I don’t thin therapy should be forced into a specific direction either.
I’m sorry you still have bad dreams and I understand that completely. My mother stars in my dreams at least once a week or more and it’s always scary with me trying to get away from her.