I wasn’t sure how or when to blog about my recent blood tests. No need to freak, everything’s fine but I’m more interested in my reactions than I am in the test results themselves.
My therapist ordered blood work because my psychiatrist has not been doing so and she wanted to make sure that the Seroquel wasn’t causing any problems. If any of you take Seroquel just be aware that it can cause high blood sugar and high cholesterol.
Thankfully my cholesterol is now very normal. It was high for quite a while despite my diet (pre-disordered thinking) and we thought it was because of the Seroquel. My primary doctor put me on a statin and either that helped or my restrictive dieting did it. My blood sugar is also great so no worries there.
I have to say that I’ve found this whole process of interpreting my blood tests to be annoying. My therapist, who strongly believes I have an eating disorder, didn’t know how to interpret the tests she ordered beyond the blood sugar and cholesterol.
My rheumatologist doesn’t treat eating disorders obviously so he’s focused on how the tests apply to my pre-existing muscle illness and how I physically feel right now.
The test showed an issue with my thyroid function and the two doctors who have seen the test results are focusing on that. The test also showed issues with my platelet levels but no one is concerned with that so I guess I won’t be either.
When I went to the doctor today I was curious what my blood pressure would be. My blood pressure is always great, but I’ve been reading that when you restrict the way I have been that your blood pressure can go down. My blood pressure is lower than it’s ever been in my life. If it drops even a little I’ll be in the abnormal range. It was a little bit startling to see that.
The thyroid numbers are associated with calories and metabolism. It can make you feel cold and tired etc. I told my doctor that I’m cold constantly. I was cold before all this started but I’m really cold now. My hands are like ice to the touch and my feet don’t get warm no matter how thick my socks are. If you could see me at home I’m always bundled up even with the heat on or the fireplace.
There was a low platelet count and another one that was elevated. The information on the internet said that this could be because my body is producing more platelets but my platelets are being destroyed too soon. Again, no one cares about that so I’m not going to worry about it.
What’s been more interesting to me is my reaction to the test results and my ensuing research.
I wasn’t aware of any kind of suicidal ideation in my mind but when I read about the results I was pleased. I was. I was quite happy with the idea of destroying cells and doing damage. I found myself fascinated by the idea of damaging my heart, not to die but just to hurt myself I guess.
I was surprised by these rather morbid thoughts and I find myself in a strange place.
I was in a kind of brief limbo about my weight when I reached the last goal I had set. I had no reason to go lower but I didn’t know what to do with myself. Then I indulged in some food and blew up almost 5 lbs. I immediately set out to lose the weight again. At first it took a couple of days and I was very anxious because the weight wasn’t dropping. Finally the scale budged and I started to breathe again. Then it took me by surprise and after one week I had dropped 7 lbs…I have no idea what my body is doing sometimes.
So here I am, with goofy tests and no real concrete anything. I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m still doing it. My rheumatologist wants me on thyroid medication but my psychiatrist will be gone and he doesn’t want me to start the new meds for two weeks so he can be here if I have trouble. Apparently the new thyroid meds can cause mania in people with bipolar disorder. Woohoo.
So I’m sitting here, not really caring about anything and wondering what kind of damage I can do to my body and for how long. I don’t want to die I just want to…I don’t know. The idea having a mild heart attack is attractive. The idea of my blood pressure going even lower is pleasant. Pulse racing would be fine. Collapsing into a heap? Sure, why not.
I don’t know what my deal is.