Quick post of a sexual nature

I will post more about therapy later I just wanted to post a quick thought. My meds are kicking in so hopefully this will make sense.

What does it mean when the only fantasies that “turn you on” are about force, incest and being taken from behind? Does that make you a pervert or is it a signal that you’ve been exposed to those images or situations somehow?

Therapy was too quick today I didn’t get to talk as much as I needed to and now there’s another week to wait. I’ll post more about it tomorrow. Hope others are finding some peace, even if it’s little bits.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Abilify, abuse, Alters, bipolar disorder, depersonalization, depression, derealization, DID, dissociation, dissociative fugue, dissociative identity disorder, Dreams, Family Relationships, fibromyalgia, headaches, Medication, Meds, Mental Health, Multiple Personalities, neglect, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychiatric Drugs, Psychiatric medication, Psychiatry, PTSD, self-harm, Sexual Abuse, Social Security Disability, Therapy, Toxic Parents, Trauma, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Quick post of a sexual nature

  1. I'm DID & so am I says:

    No, it doesn’t make you a pervert. It’s what our bodies were taught when the abuse was happening. The grooming process.

    I’ve struggled with the arousal most of my life. It never goes away. I’m supposed to accept it, pleasure myself, train my brain that arousal can be good. Personally, I think it’s all dirty and perverted. I hate anything related to sex.


    • CimmerianInk says:

      Yea, my therapist said that eastern philosophy has a saying that’s basically “What is, is.” In other words, the thoughts are there, accept them and don’t judge yourself. She told me I’m not perverted. I’ll post about it today most likely. I read your blog entry and I’m sorry that you’re in such a dark place. I was hoping while reading your post that all of a sudden, one of your parts would speak up and tell you to hold on. How are you now?

  2. castorgirl says:

    Hi CI,

    You’re not a pervert. But do the images mean that you’ve been exposed to those images or situations… well, the depends. The imagery is possibly about power, or lack there of; so it would be good to talk to your therapist about the possibilities of what it all means. But please, go gently.

    I hate it when therapy seems too short. Some days it feels like you’ve just walked in, and they’re doing the wrap up a couple of minutes later. Do you have any after hours contact? Allison is open to emails, but doesn’t respond to them until the next session. This is one way of making sure the issues we need raised are addressed.

    Take care,

    • CimmerianInk says:

      Therapy is absolutely too short! I don’t think she does after hours stuff unless there’s an emergency. The problem is that I have a week’s worth of stuff and I write lists in numerical order so I can keep track of what i want to talk about, which takes forever. Then when we try to go back to something I wrote down, time is almost up. I figured out yesterday that I need to keep the list, but focus on one point at a time so I can feel like we accomplished something.

      As for the images we did talk about that a little yesterday. I’ll post about it, but I had to laugh inside because I noticed that she was being very careful in her statements or thoughts. I could tell that she had ideas but that she was keeping them to herself out of respect for what I said last time about her conclusions. I really respected her for that, but now I’m like “Hey! You can speak up a little, just don’t say this “must” have happened”. We’ll have to find a balance. lol

  3. roseroars says:

    No, it doesn’t mean you are a pervert or anything. It’s hard for me to write about what it means from my perspective, but so many factors can contribute to it. Sometimes you see it in movies, books, or hear guys talk about that women really want it that way.

    Does that make you feel angry, scared, or shameful? How you feel may be an indication of where the thoughts originate from. I’m not sure. AND…I’m saying this again…..be good to yourself and go easy.

    • CimmerianInk says:

      I feel disgusted and shameful and I hate myslef and I feel dirty…you get the idea. I’m going to post about it today. *sigh*
      It’s good to hear from you, how are you feeling? Are you doing ok? Not so ok?

      • roseroars says:

        I understand how that makes you feel. Dawn has an excellent post about shame if you want to check it out. It really helps me, and I printed it out for my therapist.

        I’m feeling better. I exist in the purgatory of OkayLand right now, but that’s better than this morning. While I ate lunch I colored with crayons and that helped me loosen up a bit.

      • CimmerianInk says:

        Thank you for pointing me to Dawn’s place I went right over and I have a lot of reading to do. I’m really glad that you’re residing in OkayLand, I agree that’s a better place 🙂 And I’m glad you got to color. I’ll be thinking about you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s