How long can a person balance I wonder. This depression thing is still kicking my butt and the violent images of self-harm haven’t stopped either. Distractions have gone about as far as they can too. I’m calling my psychiatrist on Monday and telling him that the double dosage of Abilify is doing nothing. I hate weekends sometime because it’s just waiting until my doctor is back in the office.
My half-sister texted me last night with one single word: “Trouble”. We haven’t spoken for at least a year, as she is always selfish and self-serving. When she was down and out I called our biological father, who only calls me once every six years or so, and I told him to step up and at least be a father to her. He stepped up and the next thing I knew she was rubbing my face in the fact that they had a relationship and how great he was. She and I have never even met, but I attempted to be an older sister to her until I couldn’t handle her drama anymore. I was never warranted a relationship with my father I guess, even though I was the one with excellent grades, and no bad behavior, honor roll, worked at the library, etc. I thought perhaps our father had died and I wrote back to her immediately asking what was wrong. It took her over an hour to reply and my anxiety increased so I wrote again. After an hour, I found out that she had personal drama going on and decided to dump it on me. What was the drama? One her kids told their real father that she beats him! Yep, just up my alley right? Tell the woman physically abused and neglected by her mother that she’s abusing her kid. Boy was she telling the wrong person. Well, anyway, his father took him from her and now he wants to take their other son too. Good for him. A father actually protecting his child, what a novel idea. I was as supportive as I could be under the circumstances. There was no way I was going to excuse abuse. And I called her out on it. She didn’t text back.