Teeter Totter

How long can a person balance I wonder. This depression thing is still kicking my butt and the violent images of self-harm haven’t stopped either. Distractions have gone about as far as they can too. I’m calling my psychiatrist on Monday and telling him that the double dosage of Abilify is doing nothing. I hate weekends sometime because it’s just waiting until my doctor is back in the office.

My half-sister texted me last night with one single word: “Trouble”. We haven’t spoken for at least a year, as she is always selfish and self-serving. When she was down and out I called our biological father, who only calls me once every six years or so, and I told him to step up and at least be a father to her. He stepped up and the next thing I knew she was rubbing my face in the fact that they had a relationship and how great he was. She and I have never even met, but I attempted to be an older sister to her until I couldn’t handle her drama anymore. I was never warranted a relationship with my father I guess, even though I was the one with excellent grades, and no bad behavior, honor roll, worked at the library, etc. I thought perhaps our father had died and I wrote back to her immediately asking what was wrong. It took her over an hour to reply and my anxiety increased so I wrote again. After an hour, I found out that she had personal drama going on and decided to dump it on me. What was the drama? One her kids told their real father that she beats him! Yep, just up my alley right? Tell the woman physically abused and neglected by her mother that she’s abusing her kid. Boy was she telling the wrong person. Well, anyway, his father took him from her and now he wants to take their other son too. Good for him. A father actually protecting his child, what a novel idea. I was as supportive as I could be under the circumstances. There was no way I was going to excuse abuse. And I called her out on it. She didn’t text back.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Abilify, abuse, Alters, bipolar disorder, Child Molestation, depersonalization, depression, derealization, DID, dissociation, dissociative identity disorder, Family Relationships, Mania, Medication, Meds, Mental Health, Multiple Personalities, neglect, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychiatric Drugs, Psychiatric medication, Psychiatry, PTSD, self-harm, Sexual Abuse, Social Security Disability, Trauma and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Teeter Totter

  1. Lisa says:

    Wow. You guys have never even met? She sounds so much like my sister. Has she bothered you since? What kind of reply do you think she was expecting?

    I have a question for you. Would it be okay if I emailed you later today or tomorrow? I still have your email address.


    • tai0316 says:

      She hasn’t written me since. It’s weird because I asked aquestion last and waited for a reply and she never said anything else. It’s like she dumped her problems and when she was done she just went away. Typical but rude.

      Go ahead and email me your question Lisa 🙂

  2. castorgirl says:

    Just what you didn’t need… Someone dumping their triggering drama on you. I know things are never simple when it comes to arranging custody, but hopefully something can be arranged to keep the children safe.

    I’m sorry the Abilify hasn’t worked as you hoped… May be your psychiatrist can suggest something else? You can only stay on the edge for so long, then something has to give.

    Take care and keep us up to date with what happens, ok?

  3. I'm DID & so am I says:

    AH, the joys of being a guinea pig. My psychiatrist lets me decide what I want to be one, since I’ve been an everything known to man kind.

    Sorry you have to go through all that anxiety from the text. Hopefully it’ll work itself out.


    • tai0316 says:

      Hey jo 🙂
      Yea I could say no if I wanted to. I too have been on everything and he knows it. But, Itry to be a good patient so we know we’ve tried everything.
      My sister’s crap seems to be over for now. Thanks jo!

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