I had therapy today and I told my therapist that I have rejected that anything involving my mouth happened to me sexually as a child. I loved the look on her face as I came up with these brilliant reasons why this couldn’t be so, including that maybe my mother was right and I was overly sensitive as a child. I even commented on it at one point and I had to actually laugh. I knew that she was thinking how absurd my arguments were but she let me do it anyway and then proceeded to tackle my arguments with her own logic. She basically said that you can’t make up a body memory. She said that you can’t fake emotions, they come from someplace real. She said that the images I see come from somewhere and it’s okay if I don’t understand them yet. I’ll blog more about this session later but needless to say, I’m now off of the seesaw and I’ve moved over to the merry-go-round of horror with each turn being “Is this real? Nah it can’t be! But it feels real. Nah, no way…etc”. Weeeee!
On a side note my doctor also adjusted my meds a bit. I’ll write about that later too, I have some processing to do.
Oh! Here’s a question: if a certain abuse happened to you, wouldn’t you balk at ever doing that thing again? I mean instinctively. Instinctively wouldn’t you resist that act with every fiber of your being? Why would a person have a desire to perform that act on someone else if it had been forced on them???? Ha! Answer that one! See told you it didn’t happen.