Random disturbing thoughts


Now that I’m in this denial/truth-seeking/still denying spiral, I’m thinking about him and his wife. It’s not a lot, just random thoughts always at night and he just there and she’s kind of just there. It’s different images and I can’t tell where they are. It’s nothing threatening but it creeps me out. I hear his name or her name in my head and then I see them and I feel weird, kind of scared. That’s all I can say. I had a long talk with my younger parts and I apologized for being in denial but I explained that it wasn’t about my feelings toward any part, it’s about me. I also said that if anyone had information they could still come forward but to realize that, as the adult I may be resistant to what is shown but to not take it personally. Stupid huh? lol Classic line right? “It’s not you, it’s me.” Ha! I don’t really have anything else to say at the moment which is almost weird in of itself…

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About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in abuse, Alters, Art Therapy, bipolar disorder, Child Molestation, depersonalization, depression, derealization, DID, dissociation, dissociative fugue, dissociative identity disorder, Dreams, Family Relationships, Incest, Mental Health, Multiple Personalities, neglect, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychiatric Drugs, Psychiatric medication, Psychiatry, PTSD, self-harm, Sexual Abuse, Therapy, Trauma and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Random disturbing thoughts

  1. shame says:

    When you’re having these random thoughts, is there anything you can do to distract yourself? It seems they have such a hold on you. Just my thoughts on it.

    jo

  2. castorgirl says:

    Hi tai,

    Please don’t try to rush things… I know it’s frustrating, but sometimes I get these sort of context memories for ages. I’m not sure if it’s part of the system testing me, easing me into memories, or what.

    Are you able to get up and do something soothing if the thoughts get particularly bad at night? Sometimes I find walking around the house and checking things helps – not that I’m OCDish or anything 🙂

    Take care,
    CG

    • tai0316 says:

      Hey CG.
      I’m trying not to think about things now and that’s when the images started. I decided to let go of the internal debate and think about something else and now at night the images come and their names. Any further thoughts you have are appreciated like what you said here about your own internal process. Getting up is hard because I take my sleep med which menas I’m still awake but to tired to actually get up. Woohoo. Part of me wonders though if I should just let the images play out? Maybe there’s information? Maybe it’s nothing? I don’t know. I know it’s disturbing.

    • tai0316 says:

      Oh! And lol on the OCD part 😀 ‘Cause I’m not either *wink wink*

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