Feeling oddly disturbed…seems to be a theme this week


Don’t know why I’m writing really. I just feel…disturbed, odd. Kind of like my mind is on the verge of something but maybe I’m just being silly or nervous. I’ve noticed that there is an internal fear from some younger part or parts in connection with the hospital. There seems to be a fear that if something bad is remembered we’ll end up back in the hospital again, almost a… backlash directed at me, the Host, a fear that I won’t be able to handle anything that might be seen because I handled it so badly the last time. I’m trying to reassure these parts that my therapist is no longer sick and is therefore available to talk to which is different from the last time. I don’t know what else to do to help internally. I’m not sure what to do to help myself with this vague, or not so vague feeling of unease either.

I wonder with the holiday coming up, will I be abandoned blogwise until the holidays are over? Oh well. *sigh* ๐Ÿ™‚

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About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in abuse, Alters, Art Therapy, bipolar disorder, Child Molestation, depersonalization, depression, derealization, DID, dissociation, dissociative fugue, dissociative identity disorder, Dreams, Family Relationships, Incest, Meds, Mental Health, Multiple Personalities, neglect, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychiatric Drugs, Psychiatric medication, Psychiatry, PTSD, self-harm, Sexual Abuse, Social Security Disability, Therapy, Trauma and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Feeling oddly disturbed…seems to be a theme this week

  1. I don’t know what to say Tai, but just wanted to let you know that I came by.

    Dawn

  2. castorgirl says:

    Hi tai,

    All I can suggest is that you keep up the reassurances. I’m sorry that the hospital experiences were so bad last time. I think you said that they haven’t always been though, or did I get that wrong?

    Also, remember that while the hospital wasn’t ideal, it allowed you to get to a safer place, and you did some amazing coping while in there. There was all sorts of triggers happening, and you were able to encourage protection of the younger parts and coped really well in a stressful situation.

    My mother is arriving tomorrow, that will mean I’ll either be blogging all the time, or hiding out. It usually means blogging a lot ๐Ÿ™‚

    You’re not alone tai.

    Take care,
    CG

    • tai0316 says:

      Thanks CG ๐Ÿ™‚
      You’re right the hospital wasn’t all bad, it’s just that the fear is that if anything at all stressful or upsetting is shown, the hospital will happen every single time which is not good. I can’t go to the hospital every time something upsetting happens and it feels like internally, that fear, the fear that I can’t handle anything is stopping things up.

      I’ll be thinking about You! I hope really hard that you’ll be ok!

  3. callmeams says:

    Dearest Tai,

    Even in all the craziness that is supposed to be a joyous time of year…yeah right…when things keep me from my computer and all the good friends I’ve made here, you are never far from my thoughts.

    You have been such a support to me I can only hope I return a little of what you have given.

    Amy

  4. shame says:

    I think it’s normal to have the feelings you’re having. You’ve had a full plate lately and now with the holidays? I can’t wait for this week to be over and done with.

    jo

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