It was years ago, it was yesterday…


I wanted to put a quote that I read in a book featuring a character who had been raped as a child. This character has repressed memories in the books and when she finally remembers she talks to a therapist. She kind of brushes off the past. She tells the therapist: “It was years ago.” The therapist says: “It was yesterday, it was an hour ago.” That’s how I think I feel right now. I’m still not feeling any emotions but it’s like, because I only now remember the extent of what happened, it just happened. And because I keep seeing him and feeling things and doing things, it’s like it happened a minute ago or an hour ago or a second ago. But I don’t feel anything, nothing. I should but I don’t. But, I find it interesting that just realizing something so significant happened, and since I never dealt with it, I’m just now experiencing it. It just happened. Does that make sense?

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About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in abuse, Alters, Art Therapy, bipolar disorder, Child Molestation, depersonalization, depression, derealization, DID, dissociation, dissociative fugue, dissociative identity disorder, Family Relationships, headaches, Incest, Mania, Medication, Meds, Mental Health, Multiple Personalities, neglect, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychiatric Drugs, Psychiatric medication, Psychiatry, PTSD, Rape, self-harm, Sex, Sexual Abuse, Social Security Disability, The Courage To Heal, Trauma, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to It was years ago, it was yesterday…

  1. shame says:

    Yes it was years ago, but at the same time it always feels like yesterday or today. It does get better though. For me it’s taken several years to feel emotions and I still don’t feel all the emotions. You may never remember everything. A part of me wants all the memories so I can work on them. A part of me wishes I’d never had any memories. It’s a two-way street. And yes, it does make sense to me.

    jo

    • tai0316 says:

      I’m glad it gets better jo. How did the holiday end up working out for you?

      • shame says:

        It does get better, but do expect it to get worse also. Just want to be up front with you.

        Trying to forget Christmas. I expect my therapist to put me back together tomorrow. No, I’m going to demand it.

        jo

      • tai0316 says:

        I always appreciate upfront jo. I have no idea what to expect so hearing from others is always good no matter what is said. I like the pictures.of the trees on your blog. It wouldn’t let me leave a comment so I thought I’d say it here.

  2. castorgirl says:

    Yes, it makes sense. It hurts, it’s unfair, but that’s how it feels.

    As Jo said, it does get better. I think the “better” comes from learning new ways to cope with the feelings, finding grounding techniques that work, and working it all through… which means that yes, it can feel overwhelming and worse before it gets better. But, it does get better.

    Take care,
    CG

    • tai0316 says:

      Hey CG 🙂

      I guess I’m still waiting for the feelings to come, so far nada, nothing. Except for the rage I felt that one day I guess. I’ve been nothing but panicky but it feels bipolar related not DID related.

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