It seems that everyone’s thoughts about how we feel about ourselves and pictures of ourselves as children has finally come up. I told my therapist about my feelings towards my younger parts or at least one of them and she wants me to look at pictures of myself as a child, pick my favorite one and bring it in to therapy Monday. Yippie. I haven’t looked at the pictures yet and I don’t know if that’s because of fear or not. I may just bring the whole little album in and look at them with her.
On a separate note I initiated intimacy with my husband in order to have aspects of abuse re-enacted. He doesn’t know because he likes changing things up so he’s all for that stuff. I figured it didn’t hurt anyone because it’s his fondest wish. It’s not like the abuse hurt so…I don’t know. I felt…different, like it wasn’t just me there wanting it but I can’t put my finger on exactly what it was. Part of me thinks it was something evil, no not evil, almost like an internal smirk and a desire to be bad. I don’t know if I’m making sense.