What kind of body memories are there?


Is it possible to have a body memory that involves various parts of the body to move of their own accord? I have experienced something disconcerting and I want to know if I’m making it up, by “making it up” I mean am I pretending. does this not happen? It felt like muscle spasms in certain specific areas. Also, it wasn’t “me” the Host experiencing it, it was a child. I don’t want to be to specific because I don’t want to unnecessarily trigger others. I’ll say that it happened while engaging in certain behavior (I don’t feel like saying the word right now). I can still feel the echos in the muscles in my body. Thoughts, ideas? Am I pretending?

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About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
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9 Responses to What kind of body memories are there?

  1. castorgirl says:

    Hi tai,

    I’m sorry, but I’m not sure I can be much help with this. I experience body memories as related pain, cramps, headaches and shaking. I know when I’ve experienced flashbacks, I’ve gone through motions which must have happened in the past – the most common is that one part is constantly trying to scrape sand off her/my left hand.

    I don’t know if that helps or not.

    Take care,
    CG

    • tai0316 says:

      CG, I’m so sorry. I hope I didn’t cause too much pain when you replied to this post. 😦
      I’m not sure what happened. Obviously I didn’t go into detail in the post but all I’ll say is that my body made movements that would be reasonable considering how I was abused. I felt very not present but like I was observing everything while the “child” actually experienced it. Afterwards it felt like there was a different child laying there and there were tears coming out of her/my eyes, but again I observed, I wasn’t really there.

      • castorgirl says:

        What you describe here is what I consider to be flashbacks. Some of them can be real doozies 😦 It’s experienced as it felt at the time, but often viewed in a derealised or depersonalised state in the present. Sometimes I get the feeling of the abuser being there, but not always. Sometimes I’ll get some of the sensory triggers happening, but not always.

        It’s ok, it didn’t trigger me to read this, or to try and explain it. I don’t know how helpful it is, as I think each of us shows symptoms and stress in slightly different ways.

        Take care,
        CG

      • tai0316 says:

        You were very helpful CG. I kept thinking “I must be making this stuff up” but it felt real and I could see him and I couldn’t control my body. It wasn’t good and since I specialize in doubting myself, I thought that I was making myself act like that. I hope you know how much I appreciate you giving me your perspective and information. 🙂

  2. Hi Tai. Not sure what you are meaning exactly, but if it helps I have had some experiences of my body going through actions that obviously relate to the abuse (would have been actions my body did at the time) and I have been just watching it happen. I’ve never labelled it as a flashback, but I’m glad CG has – I find that validating (thanks CG). I also once had an experience where my body spasmed all over, like I was having a seizure. This was very different and I couldn’t relate it directly to the abuse, except to say that I didn’t *actually* have a seizure, so I figured it must be due to the trauma in some way.

    I also wonder if the spasms were completely normal, considering that you were “engaging in certain behavior”, but I am making assumptions here about what you were doing. I don’t find this triggering, so if you want to email me and be more specific, you are welcome.

    Take care,
    Dawn

    • tai0316 says:

      Hey Dawn 🙂
      I think what you said in the first sentence is along the lines of what I was talking about. That “seizure” you had sounds scary, I would have freaked out!
      I don’t mind being a little more specific but I’ll attempt not to be so specific that I upset someone, including you. 🙂 When I was talking about spasms, you know how when you use a muscle too much and it starts spasming and making the movement you were doing that made it spasm in the first place? Wow that sentence made no sense. Let me try that again, ummm sometimes I’ve been using a pencil or pen too long and my hand will cramp up and finger or hand will twitch where I was holding the pencil…jeez that doesn’t work either lol! Ok let’s just say that the spasm I had was my mouth, specifically my cheeks moving a certain way that they would have done during the abuse but I wasn’t making them do that. Yikes was that TMI???? Maybe I should have just emailed you, jeez…

  3. Hi there, from what I understand from reading a workbook by Pia Mellody, body memories can be sudden jerks of body parts for example – a reaction to a childhood incident that the body has but not necessarily the mind. She uses an example of feeling like someone is pinching the back of your neck but in current time, nobody is. Can’t say I’ve had one but it’s oh so hard to analyse every waking moment!
    Take care, L

  4. ysabellamika says:

    Hi, I don’t really have anyting new to add, only that I’ve exerienced the same. Especially when attempting to unlock memories or at least determine which of us holds the actual “sensory experience” memory. I’ve found only the one in front at the time of the memory will be able to access that, and that is still ultimately “their” decision cuz it’s their memory in question. But we’ve been through LOTS of therapy and so have been working on these things for a long while now.

    I really just wanted to say “hi” and express how relieved I was to find others of similar divided mind. 😉 It’s really hard for me to socialize for the same reasons. Unfortunately that means my husband is usually the only recipient of our endless chatter. I’m looking forward to finally interacting with others like me/us.

    • tai0316 says:

      Hi ysabellamika,
      Thank you for relating your experience with body memories. I remember how relieved I was to find this community as well, and everyone’s been great. I get the socializing thing too.
      Thanks for coming over 🙂

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