Adding food into the mix, ugh!

In addition to  my other compulsions, I’m eating junk and I feel like I’m eating junk. I was doing so well last year working off all that weight and since I’ve had this glitch with the weight since December I don’t feel like me. I had two, count ’em two, pieces of cake today! I never do that, and of course I feel sick and awful and like a fat loser and I hate myself. Great, so I can add that to the compulsive sexual behavior that makes me feel like a dirty slut! Awesome.

I’ve got to do something about this weight. I can’t handle not losing it but I’m also giving up partly. I mean what person who wants to lose weight eats two pieces of cake!? I’m seriously considering starving myself for as many days as possible until it gets where I need it to be. You know what’s horrible? That’s the opposite of how I lost all of the weight originally. I was super proud of myself for doing it the healthy way. I took time, set goals and used diet and exercise to accomplish all of the weight loss. I took pride in the fact that I had done it for myself and I had done it the right way. Now? I’m desperate, especially since I don’t understand what caused the weight gain in December and why I haven’t been able to kick it no matter how much I’ve exercised or watched my diet.

I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror again so this is great.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in abuse, bipolar disorder, Child Molestation, DID, dissociation, Incest, Mental Health, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychiatric Drugs, Psychiatry, PTSD, Rape, self-harm, Sexual Abuse, Trauma and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Adding food into the mix, ugh!

  1. shame says:

    Yes, the food issue sucks.


  2. roseroars says:

    I hate food. Food is evil, yet so tasty.

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