In addition to my other compulsions, I’m eating junk and I feel like I’m eating junk. I was doing so well last year working off all that weight and since I’ve had this glitch with the weight since December I don’t feel like me. I had two, count ’em two, pieces of cake today! I never do that, and of course I feel sick and awful and like a fat loser and I hate myself. Great, so I can add that to the compulsive sexual behavior that makes me feel like a dirty slut! Awesome.
I’ve got to do something about this weight. I can’t handle not losing it but I’m also giving up partly. I mean what person who wants to lose weight eats two pieces of cake!? I’m seriously considering starving myself for as many days as possible until it gets where I need it to be. You know what’s horrible? That’s the opposite of how I lost all of the weight originally. I was super proud of myself for doing it the healthy way. I took time, set goals and used diet and exercise to accomplish all of the weight loss. I took pride in the fact that I had done it for myself and I had done it the right way. Now? I’m desperate, especially since I don’t understand what caused the weight gain in December and why I haven’t been able to kick it no matter how much I’ve exercised or watched my diet.
I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror again so this is great.