I had a late night last night due to getting together with some friends and since I had an appointment today, I couldn’t take my new medicine because it seems to take 12 hours to go through my system.
I got in bed after 3 am (yes a.m.) and I tossed and turned. My mind was racing and I thought I was going insane. I’m been like that before and it’s torture.
I got up this morning and I seriously thought I was going to have breakdown. No sleep and bipolar disorder do NOT mix.
Now it’s getting close to the evening and I’m feeling awake and alert, which I shouldn’t be. Not good. I ate breakfast this morning, even though I didn’t finish all of it, but I’m not interested in eating anything else. This just won’t stop. I’ve only gotten to take my new medication once because of last night.
I feel like I’m going to pay for this, but it’s like I’m starting not to care. I keep seeing myself walking along, and moving slower and slower as my body stops working both physically and mentally. I see myself finally running out of energy and then I see myself collapse and I’m ok with it. Why am I ok with it? There’s nothing going on in my life that should be stressing me out or making me react like this. It’s like part of my mind is just shut off, while the other part is still able to be productive up to a point. What is my body or mind trying to tell me? I don’t get it. It’s a strange mix of confusion, frustration and utter disinterest.