With the recent contact from my mother, I began thinking about her reasons for having a child when she so clearly should have never been a parent.
If I think about her personality and total craziness, I come to the conclusion that it was never about having someone to love. She a complete narcissist and very childish. Emotionally, she’s like a selfish teenager. I believe that she had me so that she would have someone to love her. That makes me wonder about a lot of abusive parents. Do they have children for the same reason? They all seem selfish and self-centered, do they have children so they can impose their will on someone else? To hurt someone weaker than them? To take out their frustrations on someone who can’t fight back?
People are supposed to have children because they want to love someone, to take care of them and contribute to society by bringing a new life into the world right? What made our parents have kids? It wasn’t for any of those reasons that’s for sure. My mother doesn’t love me, she mistakes obsession with love. She’s always been jealous of me and she was never one for saying “I love you” when I was a child or being affectionate or anything like that. It’s probably difficult for her because she believes that what she feels is love when it’s not. She’s twisted and ugly inside and she could never love someone the way a normal person should. I’m glad I’m not like her. I’m glad that I learned what not to do by watching her.
The cycle doesn’t have to continue. We can all make choices and we can choose to be better, to learn from the evil of others. I actually believe that none of the people I know here could ever be like our abusers. They’re not capable of it. Actually, I’m sure of it.
There is something very wrong with the people who hurt us, but none of us are like them. It’s wonderful that all of the people I know here in the blogosphere are some of the kindest, most empathetic people I’ve ever known. There is a capacity for caring that is rarely seen in this world. I’m glad to know all of you.