I’m still being weaned off of one of my meds, by next week I should be off of it completely and we’ll see if that eventually helps the lupus.
I’ve been dreaming about my mother ever since she contacted me and I hate it! It’s unfair to be unable to escape someone while your unconscious. Last night’s dream was a weird jumble of circumstances that happened but with the details changed. I dreamt that my mother was surprised that I didn’t remember some odd occurences concerning some house that I’ve never seen in real life and as we were talking I started telling her details that I did remember, including finding the body of my great-aunt, which of course never happened. It was like the dream took real facts and moved them around. If I don’t have to see her in real life, I sure as hell don’t want to see her in my dreams!
I’m also trying to figure out why I feel so mentally slow or off. I’m wondering if my sleeping med is messing with me, making me off-balance during the day. I used to take a 100 mg pill every night and then for some reason my psychiatrist changed the prescription to a 200 mg pill that I now have to cut. Well, my pill cutter refuses to cut it down the middle so sometimes one half is bigger than the other. In other words, one night I end up taking more and the next night I take less. I’ve taken different dosages before and I’ve never reacted like this. My brain and body just seem to be to slow, my thoughts not coming as fast as they should be and my body not moving as quickly as I’d like. Frustrating.
Another weird thing was that I lost 7 lbs after I had been back for a week. The scale hadn’t budged at all for the longest time and then suddenly, wham! Now my weight’s stuck again and I have no idea what my body is doing.
My therapist will be coming back on the 10th which is when I’ll see her. It’s been really strange going with therapy this long. I feel like I won’t even know how to act during the session.
I know that many of my fellow survivors are having a hard time right now and I just wanted to say that each of you are in my thoughts every single day.