Dreams and other annoyances

I’m still being weaned off of one of my meds, by next week I should be off of it completely and we’ll see if that eventually helps the lupus.

I’ve been dreaming about my mother ever since she contacted me and I hate it! It’s unfair to be unable to escape someone while your unconscious. Last night’s dream was a weird jumble of circumstances that happened but with the details changed. I dreamt that my mother was surprised that I didn’t remember some odd occurences concerning some house that I’ve never seen in real life and as we were talking I started telling her details that I did remember, including finding the body of my great-aunt, which of course never happened. It was like the dream took real facts and moved them around. If I don’t have to see her in real life, I sure as hell don’t want to see her in my dreams!

I’m also trying to figure out why I feel so mentally slow or off. I’m wondering if my sleeping med is messing with me, making me off-balance during the day. I used to take a 100 mg pill every night and then for some reason my psychiatrist changed the prescription to a 200 mg pill that I now have to cut. Well, my pill cutter refuses to cut it down the middle so sometimes one half is bigger than the other. In other words, one night I end up taking more and the next night I take less. I’ve taken different dosages before and I’ve never reacted like this. My brain and body just seem to be to slow, my thoughts not coming as fast as they should be and my body not moving as quickly as I’d like. Frustrating.

Another weird thing was that I lost 7 lbs after I had been back for a week. The scale hadn’t budged at all for the longest time and then suddenly, wham! Now my weight’s stuck again and I have no idea what my body is doing.

My therapist will be coming back on the 10th which is when I’ll see her. It’s been really strange going with therapy this long. I feel like I won’t even know how to act during the session.

I know that many of my fellow survivors are having a hard time right now and I just wanted to say that each of you are in my thoughts every single day.

About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in abuse, Child Abuse, Dreams, Medication, Mental Health, Psychiatry, Therapy and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Dreams and other annoyances

  1. meredith says:

    You’re in the thoughts of many, as well!

    Did you ever wonder if the reason you’re dreaming about your mom is because your mind needs to process some thoughts about her, presently? I can’t even imagine making contact with my family. It must be very hard to sort it all out…

    • tai0316 says:

      Oh yes, I’m sure that my mind needs to process a lot of stuff! I just thought that I was over this. I rememer thinking just a few months ago that I was so much stronger than I had been and that I wasn’t afraid of her anymore and all that stuff. I don’t feel afraid per se but I feel…not as unaffected as I thought I would. It makes me feel like a child again in some ways.

      I know that a part of me had really hoped that she would decide to move away as she had considered it once before when I didn’t speak to her for a while. She hasn’t done that so I was disappointed. It means that there’s still the possibility that I could run into her where I live.

  2. meredith says:


  3. castorgirl says:

    Remember that there can be layers to the issues that you have to work through, and what may feel “sorted” to you, might not be totally worked through for other parts of the system. I know from my trip to the city my father lives in, the fear that created; so I can guess at the confusion and fear that the young parts must be feeling… try not to judge, but reassure.

    The dreams sound awful.

    Take care,

    • tai0316 says:

      Very good reminder. Again, I fail to remember that I have DID! Why do I do that? Ugh! Anyway, the thought that things aren’t sorted for “everyone” makes me scared but I think I might write a post about it so I’m glad you said something. I’ll think about it for a bit first…

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