Disturbingly familiar story on abcnews.com about physical abuse

I just read a story about an african-american mother physically abusing her son. The story made me angry and ashamed. I always forget if people know that I’m black. Anyway, the story says that this woman’s son posted on his Facebook page that he was going to harm himself and someone from their church called his mom to tell her. What did she do? No, I want you to really think about all of the things that she could’ve done when she heard about how he was feeling. Did you come up with some scenarios? Ok, here’s what she did: she beat him with a cable. Why? Because he wasn’t supposed to have a Facebook page.

I’m sick after reading that. Do you know what her excuse was? The same excuse my mother uses for why what she did to me was ok: because that’s how we discipline children where we come from.

That’s such bul#%hit! There is no background that gives you an excuse to abuse your kids, cultural or otherwise. I go back to my argument that it used to acceptable for men to beat their wives but now that’s not ok. This is not ok either and using race or culture as an excuse just makes us all look bad. It’s a way for a person not to take responsibility for their actions. How convenient. I bet every abuser has some excuse about why what they do isn’t wrong and it doesn’t have to be racial, it can be anything. I’m so sick of it!



About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
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5 Responses to Disturbingly familiar story on abcnews.com about physical abuse

  1. Freasha1964 says:

    After reading blogs like yours and related ones and learning about the reasons that lead to self-harm, I am not surprised that his mother beat him. His self harm compulsions probably come out of the abuse she has already meted out, over and over. Too bad the church member didn’t understand this. But since it has hit the news, this could lead to him getting the help he needs.

    I am sorry this triggered such anger for you. Obviously it hit a very raw nerve. I wish there was more we all could do to prevent this.

  2. castorgirl says:

    Tai, please don’t buy into the stereotypes… I’m not responsible for the actions of every person of English, French, Polish and Irish ancestry; and you’re not responsible for the actions of every African-American. Their actions bring shame on them, and on a society that turns a blind eye… I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t turn a blind eye.

    It’s in cases like this, where I like the concept of free will… that mother had the opportunity to change her ways, and she didn’t. She chose to use the same ways of discipline that she was shown – despite other methods being widely shown in the media, and within the community. Now, that boy will have the free will to chose new ways, or follow the path of his mother. I hope he chooses a new way.

    I know there is the argument that poverty, education, etc mean that those choices are limited… but even within limits, there are choices. That she fell back on the “that’s how I was raised” line, indicates to me that she wasn’t willing to look at those choices.

    You chose a new way tai…

    • tai0316 says:

      Hi CG,

      I know that you’re right, it just pains me that so many fall back on these tired excuses and it keeps getting passed along. It makes me angry that my mother uses this same excuse on me when it’s so obviously a cop out. My grandmother used to discipline me when I got in trouble but her methods were completely different. You can disclipline a child without hurting them. Discipline doesn’t equal pain. I was never afraid of my grandmother and I always knew that she would never hurt me. It was never that way with my mother. I was always on edge waiting for her to strike out for no reason and always wondering if that day would be the day she’d finally make good on her threat to knock my teeth down my throat. I can still feel her knuckles digging into my throat when she grabbed me by the shirt. I just can’t stand the idea of any kind of abuser making excuses, it makes me sick.

      The thing is that they know they have free will, they use it in other situations when it’s for their benefit and then suddenly, “Oh, it’s not my fault!” when they get in trouble. The bigger thing is that people like this woman and my mom will tell the child that it the child’s fault for feeling abused and that it’s not really abuse. And I know from firsthand experince that it makes the child question their own mind and their reality and perceptions. I know that you understand that too CG.

      *sigh* I’m sure I’ll get over this, I just hope that someone protects this boy from his mother and gets him some help.

  3. racism in any form is wrong. we’ve got one lass in our therapeutic community who (regards herself despite lack of objective evidence) is black, or at least, this is what she says when racially abuses other ethnic minorities, or tries to claim her poor behaviour is just the subjective experience of racist observers, including black people..!?
    I think you’ve said before (more articulately than I can manage here) that some people’s experience of their culture means they are their own, and their families’, worst enemies. It’s great that you, as an ‘insider’ can do your little bit to recognise and try to create change.

    • tai0316 says:


      I think that unfortunately people will always llok for a handy excuse to be bad people. Race ends up being one of them and so do other kinds of backgrounds, including coming from a bad home life. Nobody wants to take responsibility for their own actions.

      Thanks for writing urbanwarrior 🙂

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