Gone Is Good


Gone Is Good


 

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About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in abuse, Art Therapy, Child Abuse, Child Molestation, depression, dissociative identity disorder, Incest, suicidal ideation and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Gone Is Good

  1. Freasha1964 says:

    Wow, that is powerful, Thai. I don’t have anything very helpful to suggest but I hear you. I wish you could cry. Sometimes it is such a great relief. I am not sure why you think it would upset your husband. I even wish you could cry in your husband’s arms. I, at the very least, wish you could contact your therapist if this feeling is staying with you. By tomorrow, Thai.

    I am so sorry you are in so much pain, and in such a black, bleak place. Feel better soon, please.

    • CimmerianInk says:

      Thanks Freasha,
      I appreciate the caring thoughts.

      My husband has a tendency to follow me around or find me if I go somewhere private in the house. I find it intrusive and annoying because I have a lot of trouble feeling my feelings if people are around. That means that I have to force it back down and bottle it up. It’s not his fault. I know he’s only trying to help, it’s just that it’s not helpful to me at this point in my emotional progress.

      • Freasha1964 says:

        I see you have been replying to the thoughts that have come your way this past week and I hope that is an indicator that you are feeling a little more alive.

        Just this morning I was thinking about the things that my father took from me. I think it was all unintentional. He sure didn’t mean to kill my mother (the car accident). But he gets the credit for taking her. Then after that it was mostly my emotions that he took by not allowing them; not about my mother, not about normal things in the angst of a life of a teenager. This morning I was listening to music I loved back then; still love occasionally. It is so FULL of emotion and he hated it, wouldn’t allow it. I did get headphones, so I got to hear it, but that was the solution.

        That said, I can understand why you would have even magnitudes more trouble with expressing your emotions. It is a new thing for you to be doing. I wish you could somehow get your husband to understand that you need your space to practice this difficult new skill. I can see how being emotional in front of people would be very scary for you after so much conditioning to keep it bottled up when the reaction from the other people experiencing your emotions has been very unpleasant and unaccepting. (I am kind of stepping out and guessing here, I think, so sorry if it doesn’t feel right for you.)

      • CimmerianInk says:

        Hi Freasha,

        I’m not more alive but the affection I feel for all of you makes it easier to talk.

        What you went through was so horrible and then not being able to feel or should I say allowed to show it (?) would be terrible! No one should have to go through what you did. It’s sad that you were prevented from grieving the way you needed to. I don’t think they understand what kind of damage that does to a person.

        And yes, you hit on the problem with expressing that kind of emotion in front of someone. I was told that crying was a weakness and every sad or mad feeling had to be hidden to avoid being hit. I don’t view crying as a weakness in other people but I still do for myself.

        Thank you for sharing your experience with me, I know how painful that has to be and I’m sorry you went through that.

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