Dream talk *mention of upper-body touching in the dream*


I had a weird dream last night. Let me say first that I felt a need to try to understand how pedophiles groom their victims, so I went back and watched Oprah’s interview with some convicted felons. I don’t know what I was looking for. Maybe just trying to figure out what the normal procedure for these a-holes is. I’ve seen this interview before but it was still hard to listen to.

Later that night, I had a dream where I was a little girl and I was watching Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood on a television and laying on a couch. An unknown man got behind me on the couch. I heard Mr. Rogers say something about introducing touch and I know that statement came from the interview I saw. The man behind me started touching my chest, but it was weird to me in the dream because I was too young to have breasts so what was the point?

I know why the chest thing came up. I’ve always wondered why there are times that I can’t stand for my husband to touch me there. I go through these periods where it’s sickening and disturbing to be touched there. That has never made sense to me though because I was a child when I was abused and I didn’t have breasts, so why would that feel weird? I guess it was on my mind, so I dreamed about it.

I didn’t write this for any particular reason. I just needed to write about it.

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About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in abuse, Child Abuse, Child Molestation, dissociative identity disorder, Dreams, Incest, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, Rape, Sexual Abuse and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Dream talk *mention of upper-body touching in the dream*

  1. Pandora says:

    I often have the same issue about bring touched there. But I have a feeling – though no real memory – that my uncle did touch my chest, despite the lack of breasts. In fact, when my body (and therefore breasts) started to develop, he very quickly lost interest.

    I have a more abstract theory about this though. I remember my horror when (a) someone in the school playground commented on my rising chest and (b) being forced to go bra shopping for the first time with my mother. I utterly loathed the idea of becoming a biological adult.

    I’m playing the armchair psychologist here (nothing new there then!), but I think I hated it so much because I was becoming an adult that had never really had a ‘proper’ childhood, and now never would be able to.

    In turn, I speculate, breasts represent the fact I can never go back and be a ‘normal’ kid. Does that make any sense?

    I mean, I don’t look at them and feel nauseated or anything, but I can see how it would operate at an unconscious level.

    But maybe I’m full of crap 😉

    Anyway, I hope you’re OK hun. Sending strength and gentle hugs to you.

    Take care

    Pan x

    • CimmerianInk says:

      Hey Pan,
      I think your reasons for feeling that way about breasts is very normal considering what you went through. It definitely makes sense to me. There could be a sense of loss and grieving about that time passing. How sad to have to feel that way about a normal part of growing up. 😦 I’m so sorry Pan.

      I don’t recall having any problems in that area when I started developing. I don’t remember thinking that it was anything special. Getting my period was way more traumatic. 😉 I think that I always looked forward to get older. I remember going on and on when I turned 10 because I had been alive for a decade and I thought that was cool. Being older meant that I was that much closer to being able to get away from my mother.

      In thinking about this, I didn’t think that abusers would touch a girl on her chest if there was nothing there. I have heard many stories of abusers losing interest in their victims the older they got. Boys and girls alike. My question is: why would an abuser touch a girl on the chest if she has nothing? I’m seriously asking. What’s the point? And for the sake of discussion, let’s say that happened to me, why would I feel any bodily sensations now if I didn’t have breasts to be touched? Let me clarify that. I’m asking because wouldn’t a girl have no physical response to being touched if she didn’t have breasts? I mean pre-puberty, there wouldn’t be any feeling in that area right? Or is there?

      • Pandora says:

        I wouldn’t think so – I mean, pre-puberty, your nipples don’t serve any function of which I know, so I agree that there’s unlikely to be any sensation in the area. Maybe the abusers simply like the feeling of flatness that they don’t get when (or if) they sexually engage with adult women. Maybe they mistakenly think that you would feel some sensation in your nipples? I don’t know, but it certainly doesn’t make sense to me either!

        I completely agree re: the period bit – that was awful here too! The icing on the cake was that my uncle was staying with us that weekend, so it doesn’t exactly endear the memory to me..! But it would have been horrible either way. I still hate it!

        Take care tai, and I hope you’re OK xxx

  2. castorgirl says:

    Hi,

    Please don’t try to get into an abusers head and find out why… please remember that there was nothing that you did to encourage the abuse. You did not cause it by being flat-chested or not. Their perversions meant that they wanted a certain set of requirements in order to met their needs, and those needs didn’t take into account us as people… we became things.

    It wasn’t your fault.

    We learn from an early age that parts of our bodies are meant to be private – there’s all sorts of societal messages about our bodies… so there are all sorts of feelings associated with touch (emotionally and physically).

    Take care,
    CG

    • CimmerianInk says:

      It is a dangerous thing to look into isn’t it. Their mind I mean. It wasn’t good for me to try. I just wish I knew if how I feel is connected to something or if it’s just me you know?

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