When bad images or thoughts intrude in daily life.

I was just noting today how disconcerting it can be to just be sitting around or doing something innocuous when suddenly and image of my uncle or a feeling of fear or sadness will come out of nowhere. At least when I’m doing some sort of homework for therapy or thinking about the subject it makes sense for those things to happen. But when it kicks you in the gut out of left field it’s like I have to suck in a breath and say, “What the hell was that for?” It’s been little things too, like seeing a toy or a baby or just nothing sometimes. It’s hard to protect yourself when you don’t see it coming.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in abuse, Child Abuse, Child Molestation, DID, dissociative identity disorder, Multiple Personalities, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, Rape, Sexual Abuse, Trauma and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to When bad images or thoughts intrude in daily life.

  1. meredith says:

    Yes, it is, sister. It’s hard to see most all of what’s coming once you commit to healing and therapy. You must be processing a lot of information, now. I wish I had something more intelligent to say than, “oh, girl… I’m so sorry. Buy a helmet and goggles, though; this is going to take some time.”

    I’m really glad you’re doing this, tai; even if it doesn’t feel good today, you’ll be glad you made the choice, down the road.

    Hang tight, and know you’re loved.


    • CimmerianInk says:

      Thanks meredith. 🙂 I like to think that it will be worth it later. Logic is sometimes no good when you’re dealing with random thoughts, and I’m rubbish without logic lol.

      Love ya right back.

  2. Lilly says:

    I was so glad I went to counseling to deal through some of the things that had been triggering to me over this week. At the core of it all was my need to protect that small child in me from being hurt. I had even gotten awareness of being so physically numb that I couldn’t feel. I was almost resorting to cutting. I reached out to my support network and was able to not do so. The worst thing about being a survivor of child sexual abuse is I can see the wrong in a touch or pick up on bad vibes from other people. I don’t want to have to face those things but on some level one of us needs to and care for the little one.

    • CimmerianInk says:

      Hi Lilly,

      It’s really good that you were able to reach out and get support! I’m so glad that you stayed safe!

      There’s a man I know and I get creepy vibes from him all the time. I have no proof that he’s a bad person but I get a bad feeling and he’s been very touchy feely with women in odd ways that aren’t overtly sexual but are unwelcome. If a little girl goes anywhere near him, even in passing, I go on alert and I’m ready to snatch them away from him. It’s just a feeling that tells me he’s a creep but I pay attention to it.

  3. Pandora says:

    I empathise – it’s horrible to have it just suddenly creep up on you 😦 But I agree with Meredith; it will, I hope, be worth it in the long run. I can’t believe that you’ll never see his face randomly again after you’re well healed, but hopefully it will less intense and traumatic for you.

    Sorry I don’t have anything useful to say, tai! But sending you lots of safe hugs.

    Take care

    Pan x

  4. Freasha1964 says:

    I’m sorry this is happening to you. It doesn’t happen to me, so I can’t really help much. I CAN say that maybe it is an opportunity to work on these in the sense that you can practice changing your response when it happens. I don’t know if you have explored trying EMDR. It is supposed to help with PTSD pretty well and if it does help you, it would be a faster way to get past this.

    • CimmerianInk says:

      Hi Freasha,

      I haven’t looked into EMDR. It’s not quite my thing I guess. Unfortunately I’ll have to go the slow route. 🙂

      • meredith says:

        It seemed as though the faster I tried to hurry and stop being triggered, the more frequently triggers caught me off guard. I had to learn to stop myself how to say, “oh… trigger. find a place to calm.” I had to learn how to embrace them (yes, really), to learn how to manage them… but it helped me to understand…maybe even learn compassion for the wild, untouchable ways of my Being. I learned to be kinder to myself, actually.

        Thinking of myself as the Trigger Whisperer, the Engager of Hurt, helped me to see my power differently. External abuse made me feel powerless; learning to become aTrigger Whisperer–even at times when I didn’t believe I was a Trigger Whisperer–lessened the shock and sense of paralysis. I’d think of Robert Redford talking to a wild, hurt horse, then think of my hurt spirit and just stand with it, walk with it… and I learned to respect the triggers by handling them this way. I still do this when I get hit with a bolt.

        I don’t know if this makes sense, but I relate strongly to horses–especially wild ones–and it made sense to me that appreciating the wild, wide-eyed awareness of hurt so that I could understand the nature of soul behind the hurt.

        Life takes time. Trust is earned. Even the sense of self-trust,

      • CimmerianInk says:

        I really like the idea of you being your own Whisperer meredith. And I get the comparison between the hurt and the horses. I think there’s no way to hurry things up and least not in a healthy way. Of course EMDR is another option but it freaks me out. It’s ok, it’ll just take time.

  5. castorgirl says:

    Yup, and it absolutely stinks. It’s worse when you’re with other people, and you have to keep it together while all this “stuff” is whirling around in your head. It stinks… it really does. This is one of the reasons why many of my coping techniques are things that I can do throughout the day without others thinking I’m doing anything odd.

    Sending positive thoughts your way,

    • CimmerianInk says:

      You’re right CG. When you’re around other people and things are swimming in your head it’s harder to put on the act that’s already in place.

      Thanks for the positive thoughts.

  6. alice says:

    this keeps happening to me too, so i really feel for u, im full of hope that it will get better for all of us
    take care
    Alice x

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