Defeated on Facebook and I feel nothing. Or do I?

Well, at this point I can tell that my friend request was denied. It was always a possibility as I made up a fake account with a fake name, a name she wouldn’t know, so why would she accept a friend request from a  stranger?

Even if I had used my real name, she wouldn’t have known me and the result would have been the same except that I would have felt really unsafe. Now, there is nothing I can do to see if those girls are related to my uncle or not. I can’t do anything to know if they’re safe or not. I feel nothing right now. I think. I can only hope that she’s either not related in any way or that the girls have no contact with him. But now I’ll always wonder if he’s touched either of them or if he has access to them. Fantastic. One of the girls is just a toddler practically and the other is maybe in kindergarten or first grade. Now I have company coming tonight and I have to decide if I’m going to pretend I’m ok all night (which was questionable before any of this happened) or if I’m going to stay in my room while people are over here. Choices, choices…

Oh, I should add that I immediately deactivated the fake account because it serves no purpose now.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Child Molestation, Incest, Sexual Abuse and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Defeated on Facebook and I feel nothing. Or do I?

  1. Freasha1964 says:

    Tai, it is good that she did not accept a Facebook friend she has never heard of. It indicates that she is being cautious.
    Unfortunately, there are many pedophiles in this world. You could probably do the most good by helping prevent child sexual abuse generally in your part of the world, your neighborhood. Maybe you would volunteer with that specification within the local policing community. Or a domestic violence shelter. Remember: You have the choice to not do anything that you don’t feel comfortable about.
    And you can only hope that someone is doing a similar thing in the neighborhood of these children you are concerned about. If you find a way, then of course, you should try to prevent your uncle from abusing anyone else. But I hate to see you turn yourself inside out about something that you have no control over.

  2. Can I just give a thought?
    I also think the facebook contact wasn’t going to be a great way for you (or for her). But you’re empathising greatly with these two children who (from this distance) seem unlikely to be exposed to the same trauma you were. I suspect you’re trying to nurture the you at those ages. Freasha’s suggestion of honouring that need sounds like a good way of trying to both do your bit, and do something for yourself. Remember you’re the one that matters here, stop trying to look after everyone else!

    • CimmerianInk says:

      The problem is that if one of the girls IS my uncle’s granddaughter and she has contact with him, she’s in more danger than I was, and her little sister could be too. They all live in the same godamn state as him! Sorry, I’m not swearing at you, I’m swearing at the universe. It just would’ve been helpful to know if she’s related or not….there’s nothing I can do anyway…

  3. Pandora says:

    I have nothing remotely useful to say, particularly because I was not remotely useful when it came to protecting other people from my uncle. They were right there in front of me, and I did nothing – at least you have tried, tai. It sucks that it apparently can’t go anywhere else, but you’ve done what you can and you tried your best.

    Sending hugs, for what it’s worth. ❤ xxx

  4. castorgirl says:

    Hi tb,

    You told when you were a little girl. You told people about him and what he did. He was exposed then, and even though it was a long time ago, people remember stuff like that. You did what you could – more than many of us, to help keep others safe. As we’ve said, whether or not he abuses others is beyond your control. I know that is frustrating, and your anger is justified… there’s nothing worse than feeling helpless.

    Take care of yourself,

    • CimmerianInk says:

      I failed back then too though CG. I told my grandmother but when prompted with telling everyone I chickened out and said that nothing happened. I know that I was a child but it feels like that’s on me for being a coward.

      • castorgirl says:

        But you spoke up to begin with… that took courage. Do you know what other steps were taken by the adults around you as a result of what you said? You know that there was limited contact with the uncle, but what else? Considering the contact was limited, that tells me that your grandmother believed you… I don’t think that she would have left it at that. I obviously don’t know, but the point I’m trying to make is that as a child you weren’t privy to the adult conversations that eventuated after your spoke up. So please, don’t be so hard on yourself…

        Take care,

      • CimmerianInk says:

        It’s true that I don’t know what was said afterwards or what happened. I guess I keep thinking of my aunt and how if he did something, I believe that she knew something was up. I don’t have much confidence that she would’ve stepped in to protect anyone else. Either way, I can’t do anything so I’m going to have to accept that. I even cried about it the other day which must mean there was some kind of rupture in the space/time continuim lol.

  5. catherine says:

    Here in Canada you can place an anonymous call to Child Protective Services saying you are concerned. You don’t have to have proof. They will do the investigation. I know women in my trauma support group who have gone this route. Maybe there is an equivalent agency in the state where they live.

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