I recently wrote about this odd disconnect I’ve been having which felt like I was missing a limb. Over the weekend I was on my way back home, still in the car with one of the people I can’t stand, but the reason for the trip was over and we were going home. It was then that I felt the first emotions that I had felt in many days. What surprised me was that I felt overwhelming sadness and a desire to die. Just BOOM! like that. I had long enough to feel it and then it was gone again. It was so odd too because I was sitting in the car experiencing all of this while the other people in the car talked and no one could tell that anything was wrong. Isn’t that weird how you can just handle stuff without letting on?
Anyway, the feeling receding and I felt slightly disturbed but also oddly grateful that I at least felt something. I talked to my therapist about the disconnect and her opinion was that it likely a combination of the Saphris and stress over the stuff I had to do that weekend ie; being in a crowd of over 6,000 people, being trapped for hours in the car with a woman who says insulting things about mental illness and is love with shoes, and then lunch the next day at someone’s house. It sounded like the two factors together most likely contributed to the disconnect. I’m hoping that since I’m now off the Saphris, things will go back to normal (haha normal :P). I don’t know how long it will take though.
I still don’t feel right and I don’t like it but at least I’m hopeful that my mind will collect itself again so I can feel like a whole person (haha whole person :P).