I don’t feel so good…

That’s pretty much all I can say.

I was supposed to go out with my in-laws and something just changed when it got closer. I got really sad and then I started panicking about the whole thing. My husband was fine with me staying home but he was worried  about me and it was like the more he pressed me on what was wrong, then angrier I got because I SO don’t want to talk about it.

I tried to say supportive things to myself internally-speaking because I don’t want any parts feeling like I’m already getting upset when nothing has been brought forth yet. I’m just not myself and my emotions are kind of out of wack.

I did manage to do what my therapist asked, which was to tell my husband about what happened when we were together last time. He was of course perfect about it which just makes me feel bad. I know stupid right?

That’s it. I just don’t feel right and I wanted to say it out loud kind of.

I’m thinking of all of you.

Oh! I should add that I saw the offical commercialization of sexual abuse, if that’s the right word. You know how they attorneys have those commercials, like, “If you took (insert drug name here) you could be entitled to money! Type commercials? Well I saw one today for…wait for it…sexual abuse. Yep. They didn’t yell about it, they made it all sad with low lights and serious looking boys, with a voiceover saying that they trusted their religious association or their councelor or some other organization that I can’t remember. then the voice comes on and says that the organzations who betrayed that trust should pay and if you or your child has been sexually abused, whether recently or in the past, you should call this law firm and they’ll take care it. A few weeks ago that type of commercial would never have been seen, and I’m not saying that people shouldn’t sue of course. What gets me is that it’s so blatant that the lawyers see a new way to make money and they’re hiding it under the guise of looking out for the victims. I thought it was low, even though people do need to know who to go to if they pursue that course.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Child Molestation, DID, dissociation, Incest, Multiple Personalities, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, Sexual Abuse. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to I don’t feel so good…

  1. Freasha1964 says:

    I am sorry to hear you are continuing to feel out of your norm. I hope this will settle down soon for you. I have been reading elsewhere that this time of year is difficult for many who have suffered intense trauma. The days are getting darker, colder, and the memories stand out starkly, or just hover like a pall. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I don’t have the same experience of course, so I can only sympathize.

    I agree that those commercials sound sick. I don’t much watch commercial TV so I haven’t seen one yet. I suspect that the lawyers who quietly help people through this sort of thing don’t advertise, and may consider it unethical. The lawyers seem to be the ones who get the money in the end. If they help you win any money back, they take what you owe right out of it, first thing. Often that leaves nothing. I have heard this over and over again. And of course, they wouldn’t be interested in helping you unless your uncle is rich.

    • CimmerianInk says:

      Thanks Freasha,

      The holidays don’t bother me as I have nothing to do with them, but I think the work we’re doing in therapy is having its natural effect. Of course you can’t discount the change in weather and the sunlight either.

      As for the lawyers, I would never go after my uncle because I can’t prove anything. I just hate that all of a sudden they see an opportunity you know?

      • Freasha1964 says:

        When I wrote that, I was pretty sure that you wouldn’t go after your uncle although I was thinking more of the trauma aspect and forgot about the part where you can’t prove anything. I was thinking more along the lines that these “sensitive” lawyers behind the commercials wouldn’t give a darn about you because there would probably be no money in it. My point was that they care only so far as there is a profit in it, and I think you made a similar point.
        If it is your work in therapy that is causing the shifts in you, that sounds like a worthy cause, and something to appreciate, kind of like pain from a successful appendectomy.

      • CimmerianInk says:

        Those lawyers are “sensitive” aren’t they? Your illustration about painful surgery is apt. But it has to be done right? Now I hear that Sandusky’s grandchild may have been a victim too. The whole thing just gets worse. *sigh* I hope you have a good weekend though.

  2. oh my word- seeing abuse victims as cash cows? terrible.

    stick with it, just allow yourself to sit this stuff out quietly- you need time and deserve it.

  3. castorgirl says:

    Hi tb,

    I’m sending lots of positive thoughts and warm safe (((hugs))), if you want them…

    Well done on talking to your husband… really well done. I know it must have been difficult, but it sounds like it went really well.

    As for the lawyers… well it would be easier to call them ambulance chasing greaseballs. Just yuck. But then, I saw a current affairs programme ages ago where they faked a bus crash, and people who were on the street, but not touched by the bus in any way, started to say that they were on the bus and had whiplash, so were going to sue the bus company. Sometimes people sicken me.

    Take care of your self,

    • CimmerianInk says:

      Thanks CG. Talking to him was quite difficult and my voice kind of cracked and gave out here and there, but I did it as quickly as possible.

      Thanks for the hugs and right back at you. 🙂

  4. alice says:

    i cant believe that they can see victims of abuse as business oppertunities, its disgusting for them to do that. I hope these feeling become understood, i hope ur ok x x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s