I hope this post makes sense because I’m sick at the moment.
I was thinking about my frustration at being stymied in regards to memory. I then decided to go over some past posts because on a very basic level, I know that I’ve talked about having other memories but on another level, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
I remember that within the last year I had some body sensations and imagery that hinted at other things. But that’s all I remember. Now here comes the disconcerting part. In an effort to remind myself of what I’ve thought about the past year or so, I decided to go over some past posts. I went back to maybe the earlier part of the year or so (maybe further back) and I started re-reading some posts. As I read them I sat there completely confused. The ones that deal with memories? I don’t remember any of it. It was literally like reading someone else’s blog. I don’t remember the things I refer to. I don’t remember some of the events I describe that were huge deals according the posts. I talk about memories and what happened afterwards but I have no idea what I’m talking about in those posts.
For example, I remember that at one point in the past year (I guess?) I freaked out completely while my husband was home and wigged out over something I had seen in my head. I remember the freak out but when I read the post, I don’t remember the memory that kicked it off. It was like reading words from a stranger.
I don’t get this. How can I have forgotten all of this stuff? It’s like it didn’t happen except that it did. I wouldn’t even know about it if I didn’t have a written record of it.
Why did this happen? Why don’t I remember the things I wrote about?