Reviewing past posts with no memory of them…


I hope this post makes sense because I’m sick at the moment.

I was thinking about my frustration at being stymied in regards to memory. I then decided to go over some past posts because on a very basic level, I know that I’ve talked about having other memories but on another level, I have no idea what I’m talking about.

I remember that within the last year I had some body sensations and imagery that hinted at other things. But that’s all I remember. Now here comes the disconcerting part. In an effort to remind myself of what I’ve thought about the past year or so, I decided to go over some past posts. I went back to maybe the earlier part of the year or so (maybe further back) and I started re-reading some posts. As I read them I sat there completely confused. The ones that deal with memories? I don’t remember any of it. It was literally like reading someone else’s blog. I don’t remember the things I refer to. I don’t remember some of the events I describe that were huge deals according the posts. I talk about memories and what happened afterwards but I have no idea what I’m talking about in those posts.

For example, I remember that at one point in the past year (I guess?) I freaked out completely while my husband was home and wigged out over something I had seen in my head. I remember the freak out but when I read the post, I don’t remember the memory that kicked it off. It was like reading words from a stranger.

I don’t get this. How can I have forgotten all of this stuff? It’s like it didn’t happen except that it did. I wouldn’t even know about it if I didn’t have a written record of it.

Why did this happen? Why don’t I remember the things I wrote about?

 

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About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Child Molestation, dissociation, Incest, Sexual Abuse and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Reviewing past posts with no memory of them…

  1. Freasha1964 says:

    Sorry you are sick Tai. But I think your post was clear enough.
    I know that when I reread dreams that I have written in my dream journal I have no memory of having had them, although often I do get faintly reminded of the details after reading. If it is memories that are causing it, could it be kind of like dreams, in that it isn’t an actual event at that time.
    I don’t know if it is a DID thing for you? Other parts might be holding these memories and you don’t communicate that well yet between these parts?
    A couple ideas that came to mind. Hope they help.

  2. alice says:

    it might just have been too hard to deal with at the time, everyone keeps telling me that you’ll remember everything when you’re ready so it might just be a matter of time.
    Take care of yourself x

  3. this happens to me. in the uk, they frown on DID diagnoses, but I think that’s likely accounting for stuff (you don’t have continuity of consciousness and stuff gets split off). and wihin my own uk/did-not-permitted context, the theory i work to is that anything traumatic -including contemporary stuff- is repressable.
    it’s just a sign that your brain is still protecting you. perhaps that’s something you want therapy to sort out, but *you’re OK*!

    • CimmerianInk says:

      Hi urbanwarrior,

      That’s really sad that DID isn’t accepted in the U.K. even though honestly I think people over here think that it’s still like the movies or t.v. shows depict, which isn’t good either.

      Sometimes I wish my brain would stop messing with me… 🙂

  4. castorgirl says:

    Hi tb,

    If it’s any comfort, I get this all the time. I can read posts from a week, month, or year ago and have no idea how I wrote it, who wrote it, what it’s referring to, or why I would even think of writing it. Sometimes it’s about protecting ourselves…

    It’s confusing.

    That’s why therapists encourage people to write journals, so that they can keep track of what is going on, and not forget or miss important things.

    I hope you get better soon…

    Take care,
    CG

    • CimmerianInk says:

      Thanks CG.

      Do you ever find a way to connect with the things you’ve written that you don’t remember? I feel nothing when I read it except astonishment that I don’t remember any of it.

      • castorgirl says:

        Sometimes, it depends on what it’s about 🙂 Sometimes it stays depersonalised, and sometimes I can get a spark of recognition. All depends.

        Take care,
        CG

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