I keep having this message repeat in my head which I know if from my mother: You must have sex regularly or your husband will cheat on you.
That’s the message and I’m always aware of it if we haven’t been intimate for more than a few days. If a week milestone hits then I automatically start to think that I’d better do it soon or he’ll start looking elsewhere. Is this thinking based on anything about my husband as a person? Nope. Do people cheat? Yes. Is our marriage immune from that? No way because no one’s is. Is that a good enough reason to have sex? I don’t know.
After those questions I’m left with the knowledge that I don’t want to have sex right now. Ok, I have sexual desire yes, but the thought of actually being touched is not palatable. I can imagine how things will go in my head. Either I’ll be okay or I won’t. If I’m okay, then fine. If I’m not then that will suck. Even if I’m okay, there seems to be a reaction after sex of my hormones going bonkers and the desire to engage in compulsive behavior amplifies by about a hundred. Why is that? I have no idea…
So the question is: what do I do? Do I listen to the message in my head that says I need to put out? Do I reason that since I feel desire, everything will be okay? Or do I think about the fact that I don’t want to and consider that fact important? Do I brush it off and go ahead with something that may mess me up?
My husband says he’s fine waiting until I’m ready. I can’t guarantee when that will be so I don’t see that waiting on me is any good because…message heard: he’ll cheat if I don’t do it.
See not romantic at all. I don’t know what to do because if I don’t do it I’ll torture myself with thoughts of him looking at some woman at work that I’ve never seen or even heard about.
My thought process ends up being like his fidelity is a meter. The meter goes down the longer he doesn’t get sex and when we have sex it fills up again. Then as time goes on the meter starts to go back down. In my mind, if the meter hits a certain point (what point I have no idea) he will cheat. So, I have to keep the meter reasonably full to prevent this.
Yes, this is all in my head but I can’t ignore that people cheat and I my mother unfortunately made this point stick. I remember that she said it like a fact. Probably because the way she got her husband was by cheating with him on his wife. I guess if it were me I’d be worried that he’d do it again too…
Still my head talks to me about this. The meter needs to be filled it says. You better get to it so he doesn’t start looking. Get it done and you can relax for another week.
My fear says: what he tries to touch us? What if we don’t like something? We haven’t come up with a word yet. The thought of being touched is…not good, but there’s pressure there too; pressure to enjoy it.
Gah! I hate this…