Demands


I’m laying here in bed with anxiety swirling around in my head. My husband told me tonight that we need to “resume sexual relations” and not just once but on a “regular basis”. He said it like it was nothing and it wasn’t a request for me to think about it. It was like,’This needs to happen soon’. I make it a point to “take care of him” in various ways so he gets a physical release, so I don’t leave him without an outlet, but the way he said this??? I feel betrayed and completely unheard. Like I’m not dealing with anything. It’s all I can hear in my head and I just want to go far away to be with the people who live in my fantasy world. Not my alters, but the imaginary friends I still have. They don’t ask me for things like this.

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About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Child Molestation, DID, dissociative identity disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Sexual Abuse and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Demands

  1. Alice says:

    That sounds really hard, I hope he can understand and doesn’t continue to put this pressure on you, take care x

  2. Pandora says:

    Oh lovely, that’s so insensitive 😦 I wish I could give you a hug or something (if that would be OK, obviously).

    In short, regardless of what he says, don’t do anything you’re not ready to. Your psychological health is more important than his sex drive (or, to give him the benefit of the doubt, desire for intimacy).

    Can you speak to your therapist about it?

    *gentle hugs*

    P xxx

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hugs are always ok Pan 🙂

      Yea, I wasn’t very happy with him. I felt a lot of emotions and it just wasn’t good. I don’t understand how he could just say that knowing what he knows. I’m not sure how to be around him when he comes home.

      I can bring it up with my therapist this week but I just don’t want to have to deal with him in the meantime. I thought that at least giving him some release would be ok until I was feeling ok with sex but now it just feels like he wants more and I don’t think that’s fair.

      I too am trying to consider that he may want more than just sex and maybe he wants intimacy as well. But I feel like he needs to consider what I need as well.

  3. meredith says:

    Take his hands in your hands and say, “This is what these are for during challenging times.” Kiss them, and thank him for understanding.

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Ha! I’m laughing if I got your meaning right.

      If I’m hearing you correctly, he doesn’t believe in that. Yes, I’m serious. That’s why I “take care of him” if you get me. Because he won’t.

      • meredith says:

        Well no wonder he’s so unhappy. Let it be, then, I guess; but if he’s unhappy it’s self-made. I’m sorry he’s so helpless. Cranky, huh? Yeah, my ‘household’ had to learn boundaries, and he wasn’t happy about it, either, but I was busy.

  4. Hey… I’m sorry you’re going through this. I commpletely understand though, Im pretty much in the same boat over here. He was really insensitive about it and I know how that feels. It’s like they don’t really get it even though they say they do. They don’t really understand. It makes me feel so alone over here, like I don’t have any support… I’m sorry if you’re feeling that way too. He should be happy that your even “taking care of him”, I can’t even do that. I’m sorry that on top of everything else going on you also have him pressuring you in this way. Tell him to stop thinking with his (you know)!
    Hope today goes smoothly for you.
    IP

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hey IP,

      I know you’ve been having a rough go of it yourself.

      You’re right, it does seem like they say they understand but when it gets down to it, they do things that show otherwise. It can make a person feel very isolated and I’m sorry that it’s been happening that way for you too.

      I always thought that my helping him get a release was a good way to take the edge off until I was ready but he made me feel like I’ve been a bad wife or something. I was also very angry with him. I don’t know how we’ll get along until I see my therapist this week.

  5. Freasha1964 says:

    I am out of my league here, but I will offer this line of thought in case it helps. I see, in myself all the time, conflicting thoughts and feelings that seem to coexist in my psyche. I would not be surprised if your husband, who clearly cares about you, does feel great concern and even understanding about your well-being while at the same time feeling that he is desperately missing intimacy between you two, no matter what his definition of intimacy is.
    I hope you can coexist until your therapy appointment. I think it wasn’t that long ago that we were discussing how getting closer with your husband and letting him in more deeply into your inner workings would not go smoothly most of the time, but I believe it is healthier than just shoving it all down, back into the dark.
    And, CI, I know you are NOT a bad wife, but a wonderful, sensitive, caring one.

  6. Broken Girl says:

    I’m so sorry :(. Since you’ve been helping him get a “release” it seems like maybe he is missing the intimacy aspect of sexual relations with you. He may miss feeling deisred by you. Assuming that helping him get a release is a one way thing, he may miss the give and take of the relations and wants to please you as well. Your husband may just be frustrated and it came out as being insensitive. I don’t know. Obviously it would be best to discuss with him how what he said made you feel and to tell him you would like to know how he is feeling about the lack of relations. I know that is much easier said than done though. Lord knows I’ve got enough issues of my own in this department that I shouldn’t be dispensing advice, haha.

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