I know some of my readers are from other countries so I don’t know if everyone knows about Josh Powell. His wife has been missing for several years (assumed dead) and he was the only “person of interest” in the case. His father, Steve Powell, was arrested on charges of voyeurism and child pornography and Josh lost custody of his sons. Recently the story shook the country because Josh Powell killed himself and his sons in a planned explosion. Awful and tragic and I feel no sympathy for Josh Powell, only for his sons, let’s make that clear.
I’m not here to talk about that part. What I want to talk about is the recent story I saw:http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/josh-powell-400-cartoon-sex-incest-images-15743201 That talks about images they found on Josh Powell’s computer, and I’m not going to talk about what you think I may talk about.
I read in a separate story that Josh’s father had shown him pornography when he was a child. That is now considered sexual abuse. Then I was thinking about the images he had on his computer and I started wondering why he had them? And I’m wondering if the why is different than the why the authorities are thinking.
Why am I wondering about this? Ok, I’m definitely projecting from myself. I guess that I’m thinking that the authorities are assuming he used those images to abuse his sons. I absolutely think that’s possible, but here’s where the projecting comes in.
I’m thinking about times in the past when I looked at images that weren’t healthy for me. NOT illegal stuff! Hopefully you guys know me better than that.
I actually talked about this compulsion a long time ago even though I haven’t engaged in it for a long time, for which I’m grateful.
Goodness, now I feel the need to make sure this is clear: I’m talking about consenting adults pretending to do things that relate to my own abuse. Ok? Ok.
The connection to the case for me is that I’m wondering if Josh Powell had those images because his father abused him in other ways besides showing him pornography? I’m wondering if maybe he didn’t sexually abuse his sons but was instead doing what I’ve done, which is….I don’t now…punishing yourself(???) by viewing thing like that?
It made me feel bad about myself. Like what would people assume about me if they knew what I’ve looked at but without knowing the reason behind it?
I’m not sure why this particular angle of the story is bothering me so much. I keep thinking that all of this goes back to Josh’s father, Steve. There is something very wrong there and I feel like the whole story isn’t known. It just keeps bothering me….