Seems my therapist is wrong and I’m PISSED!

I am very, very, very angry with my therapist. The day I had therapy I came home and ate more normally. I felt extremely anxious about it and I ended up exercising hard to try and combat what I ate.

Fast forward to the next morning and I gained  .6 lbs. I was so angry and upset. Yesterday I ate a little less than 1200 calories but I burned over 600 calories in exercise.

Fast forward to today and I gained another  .4lbs…that means I gained a full pound because of her.

So I used an app I have that lets you send health questions to doctors for free and I asked: If an overweight person eats under 1200 calories and burns 400-700 calories compusively, is that an eating disorder?

The doctor’s answer increased my anger towards my therapist. He said I had reached the PERFECT balance between caloric intake and caloric expenditure. He congratulated me if I can continue it until I reach my goal. He said there was no problem unless I do it AFTER I reach my weight goal or if I take laxatives or vomit. A second doctor agreed with him.

I assume this is because I’m overweight, not skinny. See!

And because of my therapist I now have to fight to lose the pound I gained and hope my body gets back on track. I’m so angry!


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
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12 Responses to Seems my therapist is wrong and I’m PISSED!

  1. I think it would depend on what constitutes “under 1200 calories.” If the doctors are assuming you’re eating just under 1200 and compulsively making sure you don’t eat more than 1200, then it may be a perfect ratio. However, if you’re actually only eating 500 calories a day, then it isn’t going to be healthy.

    Also, when the doctor said you’d found the perfect ratio to continue through until you’ve reached your desired weight, he is assuming you have a specific healthy weight in mind and that once that weight is reached you will be satisfied. He’s assuming there are no emotional issues tied to your attempt to lose weight. However, I’m guessing your therapist feels there are emotional issues related to your eating/exercise choices.

    I know I shared with you that I’m obese. But, I wasn’t always. In high school and college, I struggled with weight loss -though I was only barely overweight. I starved myself, exercised compulsively, and went through periods of making myself throw up. My decent into obesity was a result of a combination of factors. But, I do understand, from my former dieting days, the anger and panic of standing on the scale and seeing it move in the wrong direction.

    I definitely think it would be a good idea to share with your therapist what you’ve shared here. I know that easier said than done!! I worry about taking medical advice online from stranger doctors who don’t have all the information needed to make a solid assessment of a situation. Have you spoken with your own medical doctor?

    I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time with this. I hope I haven’t said anything to further upset you! And, remember you don’t have to go straight to 1200 calories every day all at once. Just increase your intake 100 calories for a while. Allow your body to adjust. Repeat as needed.


    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi RL,

      You didn’t say anything wrong. 🙂

      I will tell my therapist about my reaction to her speech, my subsequent eating and what the online doctor said. She’ll probably agree with you. There is definitely panic involved with scale, and anger.

      I honestly appreciate you sharing your own struggles with me. I know you get it and that’s helpful, though I’m sad that you have issues with food as well. In our current society it’s really hard to feel good about we look.

      I don’t have therapy for a couple of weeks so I’ll have to see what happens. My husband suggested I see a nutritionist to help me form a healthy diet. I may look into that, but I’m not sure yet.

      Thanks for the support rl and let me know if I can return the favor. ((hug))

  2. andromache12 says:

    Hi. I can 100% relate to how frustrating this is (the weight loss part). I myself am struggling with my weight (which I just posted about), and about 6 weeks ago started a radical change in my life (diet and exercise) that “should” have had me about 12 pounds lighter by now. My overall weight loss goal is to lose about 60 pounds. From everything I’ve read about safe weight loss and not knowing anything about your particular relationship to food, I’d suggest that eating 1200 calories w/o doing exercise is just about right to lose weight safely for a 5’5″ female. And when I say ‘just about’, I really mean it – that’s the lower limit I’ve seen for losing weight safely. If you’re burning 600 calories doing exercise, you are netting only 600 cal/day, and that seems to get into the ‘unhealthy’ range (as in your body has no ability to maintain itself, heal itself, etc). Additionally, at such low caloric intakes, I’ve read that our bodies will actually go into ‘starvation mode’ and hold strongly onto whatever calories it can get (storing more than usual in fat stores) because it wants to store energy/fat for the ‘famine/starvation’ it is entering. When that happens, supposedly eating more will actually lead to the weight loss.

    Other helpful things I’ve come across is that water consumption is super important. 2L for a nonexercising person is recommended, and for someone burning 600 cal/day in exercise, it is probably closer to 3-4L of water. If your body does not have enough water, it will hold onto it when it can, thus making the number on the scale increase (even though it might only be water weight and not fat weight). Lastly, something I’ve heard again and again from everyone I know who has successfully lost weight and kept it off (we’re talking 50-70 pounds) and from every source that I’ve read says that daily fluctuations in weight are close to meaningless. Are you weighing yourself at the same time every day? In the same place? Even if you are, hormones and other mysterious biology factors that having nothing to do with your actual weight loss come into play which could add the 0.6 or 0.4 pounds of gain you see. I know it’s crazy-making. That’s not the way the numbers should be going! I freaked out and wanted to self-injure and quit everything (healthy diet and exercise) one day when I thought for sure I shoulda lost some weight and the scale told me I was 0.8lb heavier. I cried and cried and cried. And cried some more. Then I learned that right before your period, your hormones make your body hold onto water, so that my 0.8 weight gain was probably just that – water weight caused by my period. Ok, so that calmed me down until the next time I had a 0.4lb increase. And then everyone told me I should be weighing myself every day because it will drive me crazy. So I am going to see my medical doctor (and believe me, I hate going to doctors – hate, hate, hate, hate) next week. I’ve had enough frustration in doing this on my own, and if someone can just tell me what to do or what I’m doing wrong, I’d be crazy to not seek out their knowledge/advice/intruction.

    Anyway, on a more personal level, I know this is frustrating. I am right there with you. I am (still) overweight and (still) want to lose about 60 pounds. I’ve set realistic goals and expectations and haven’t seen any of them met. Ugh! You’d think that dealing with the PTSD and DID wasn’t enough, so here’s another major stressor! I can’t take it!

    Like releasing lunacy says in her comment, I encourage you to share with your therapist. The doctors who were answering your questions don’t know you and don’t know the whole picture. Your therapist might have concerns about your relationship to food. Also, maybe going to a doctor to whom you can tell your psych stuff and then formulate a weight loss plan that is specific to you and healthy/safe for you. It takes time, and I know that’s frustrating. But it might also not be a good idea to go by what doctors say who don’t know your situation.

    Heck, if you wanna go to a doctor, we can be weight-loss doctor buddies. My appointment is Thursday, Aug 30 at 1:30. If you wanna check in and compare notes or just say ‘hey I went’ or ‘hey I’m gonna go’, we can totally do that!

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hey andromache,

      I am thinking about checking if my insurance covers a nutritionist so I may be able to compare notes with you some day. 🙂

      I was pretty aware of the information about what’s healthy and what’s minimum etc. I am very tall so I don’t fit the average lol. I also had a hysterectomy so I don’t have periods anymore. Sometimes my body makes no sense; I lose weight when I shouldn’t and gain when I shouldn’t. The “drastic” steps I took were the only time I could control what my body did and that’s hard to give up.

      I would be curious to hear what a nutritionist says so I will give that some serious thought.

      Let me know what your doctor says, or if you post about it, I’ll read it. 🙂

      • andromache12 says:

        Hi. Sorry for kinda falling off the face of the earth…I’ve come to realize that checking/responding to blog comments on other people’s blogs is not so easy when I’m on a smartphone, and I haven’t been by a computer all week. Anyway, I hope you’re doing well…any news news on your weight loss/exercise front or the disagreement with your therapist? I’m about to write my post about what the doctor said (I won’t hold you in suspense – nothing terribly shocking).

      • CimmarianInk says:

        Hi andromache,

        I’m thinking about writing a post about where I’m at, I’m just formulating my thoughts. Because of insurance I can only afford therapy twice a month now instead of weekly like I was, so I haven’t spoken to my therapist yet.

        I will keep an eye out for your post, as I’m interested in how your appointment went. Hopefully well?

      • andromache12 says:

        That sucks that insurance is the reason you can’t go to therapy more frequently. Boo!

        This is one of the reasons my current therapist started in private practice (breaking from the group practice he had been a part of) – he recognizes that people with such complex psych issues as us are statistically the ones doing poorly in terms of overall life (like career, earning power, etc) and thus, are one of the groups, as a whole, least likely to be able to afford good therapy. Thus, we’re (as a whole) a population in a lot of need of help but (as a whole) least able to afford it. He broke from his group practice, in part, so he could be as flexible as he wanted to be with his fees. I really admire (and appreciate!) that in him.

        Yup, the appointment went well in general. Nothing terribly unexpected.

      • CimmarianInk says:

        I read your post and you’re doing such a great job!

        I’m glad your therapist made moves to help his clients to be able to afford to see him. If things were bad enough I could adjust my finances to see her more often for a while but I guess I’ve been thinking that I’ll save that in case something awful happens and I really need her.

  3. castorgirl says:

    Hi CI,

    You are willing to believe “doctors” whom you have never met, don’t know their credentials, and have no idea of their bias’; over your therapist who you have built a relationship with over years? A therapist whom I’m pretty sure you’ve said has experience in treating eating disorders.

    To be blunt, can you please stand back and reality check who you are listening to, and why.

    I can almost hear you screaming in pain with these eating disorder posts… let others hear that pain too, please. They may not understand the language of the ED, and you might need to change the language for them… that’s not anyone’s failure, that’s just different forms of communication.

    With much concern,

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi CG,

      Yes I’m listening to the online doctors because, if I’m honest, they’re telling me what I want to hear, which is that I don’t have a problem.

      It’s a fair point that they may not have a proper understanding of ED’s and so their responses may be colored by that.

      To borrow your phrase, when it comes to disordered thinking, I’m in deep. I don’t know how to stop it, especially when it works. I tried eating more normally the last few days and I gained…you see the trap?

      As I said to earlier commenters, I may look into seeing a nutritionist if insurance covers it.

      P.S. I read your post from today and I will comment on it when I can form words that make sense. But I wanted you to know that I read it. ((safe hugs))

  4. Angel O'Fire says:

    take care honey, stay strong although those words seem easier to say than to actually do, ((hugs)) Angel

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