Anger


I am so angry. There’s no logic to it that I can find. It’s been building for a couple of days but got really bad yesterday. I hoped today would be better but it’s not. Everything pisses me off and I’m constantly on the verge of throwing things across the room. My husband said “I love you” and I glared at him. I weighed myself and I gained a bit and had a mini meltdown. I had an anxiety attack and actually went out to buy a new scale and then freaked when that one was worse.

I am really, REALLY angry and because I can’t find a reasonable cause, I can’t fix it. I want to break things, punch things, scream and just wreck a room.

Nothing I do helps. Every tiny thing irritates me and then bubbles over into an almost rage. Actually I’ve had some rage too.

What is wrong with me!?

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About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in dissociative identity disorder and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Anger

  1. Freasha1964 says:

    Do you think that the anger could be a symptom of the mania side of bipolar?
    Or…. is it an emotion you weren’t allowed to have as a child? Finally getting its due? Under a safer setting?

    Sounds awful, no matter what. I hope it wears off soon. Do you think you should call your psychiatrist?

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Good questions Freasha. It could definitely be a bipolar thing…it could be partially the other, or maybe combinations of the two.

      My therapist unfortunately likes to put meaning into every mood swing I have, which I hate. I may need to call my psychiatrist but I’d need to make sure this mood isn’t going anywhere before I’d let him adjust my meds.

  2. castorgirl says:

    Hi CI,

    Have you got any ways of safely expressing the anger and rage? Some things that I’ve heard other survivors try have included ripping up the phone book… throwing or punching pillows… throwing containers of ice cubes into a bath of cold water… going somewhere out in nature and screaming… go out into a forest area and smash up a broken branch…

    It could be that there is nothing “wrong” with you, and that you’re angry. Anger is a valid emotion… a necessary one!

    I hope you can find a safe way to work it through…

    Take care,
    CG

  3. I don’t yet know your full storybecause I haven’t yet read through your past posts (which I’ll slowly try to do) but I’m understanding there was massive abuse in your past so I’m thinking maybe something triggered you or perhaps your body is remembering abuse and reacting or perhaps you are not used to feeling and experiencing the levelness of contentedness and so you go to the place of comfort. Also,rage often covers depression or ‘protects’ us from feeling the sadness. But whatever it is, I wonder what happens if you just sit with it, name it, name the symptoms eg “I’m feeling anger, there’s a pressure in my head and I feel like I want to vent through physical violence” and then let it go…it doesn’t own you and you are not just anger…see I would even encourage you to say “I am feeling angry” rather than “I am angry” …you can see the difference in the meaning of the language can’t you? Maybe talk with a therapist? I hope none of this sounds too lame because I don’t wish to diminish your suffering at feeling such Anger…it must be really confusing and dare I say, fairly normal if abuse has been present. God bless you. Leanne

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi Leanne,

      My therapist also encourages me to sit with my emotions so I hear you on that one. 🙂

      Good luck traversing all my past posts lol! Either way, thanks for commenting.

  4. don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. course you’re angry, there is so much in your life to be angry about. you were hurt, betrayed and taken advantage of. it MAKES SENSE that you’re angry. I’m guessing you probably buried that anger as a kid cos was dangerous to show it (that’s what we did, dunno if it’s true for you too), and course you never got a chance to learn how to deal constructively with anger, if it was never allowed when you were growing up (again, I’m guessing).
    no wise words about how to deal with it (we haven’t figured that out yet), only that I believe your anger is entirely justified and appropriate. mebe just took its time coming to the surface.
    gentle thoughts,
    bay

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