Sometimes crap comes together all in one week. Part 1


Too much to write about and I’m probably too tired to do it but here it is anyway.

First let’s start with my mother. That glowing example of people who should not procreate.

As most of you know, I cut off contact with her…what has it been? A year? Two? I don’t know. Anyway, one of the rules was that she could only contact me through my husband and ONLY in cases of emergency. She broke that rule last weekish and left a message on his cell saying that she’s been crying everyday and she just wanted to hear my voice.

Exactly in what universe does the fact that she’s crying constitute an emergency for me? The answer: it doesn’t. I’ve cried my whole life because of the damage she’s done so she can kiss my ass.

However I wanted to respond so that she would know on no uncertain terms that this was not okay. Previously I have sent replies through my husband. In the initial days of cutting off contact I told her what she had done and why she was being cut off. She in turn called me a liar etc. Fast-forward to this last communication and I decided to email her a very basic, succinct response so that she could no longer claim that it was my husband saying these things.

I told her that the door to re-opening communication was still contingent on the same rules: Admit what you did, sincerely (I repeat sincerely) apologize, and never repeat those behaviors again.

I also repeated that calling my husband was for real emergencies.

Now, I know that my mother’s so-called tears were not for me. They were for her because everything is about her. My therapist said that a normal mother who loved her child would have followed the steps I outlined and opened up communication.

My mother is not normal and my mother does not love me. At least not in the normal way. Her “love’ has always bordered, if not crossed, obsessive. And obsessive is never good or healthy. She hates me almost as much she sickly loves me.

So how did she respond? It was a doozy this time. She said that at 61 years old she is too old to remember what she’s done or what I’m talking about.

I love this part of her reply because she made a point of saying that doesn’t remember the entire time we lived in a certain town.

Now…if she doesn’t remember ever abusing me, why did she specifically mention the town where it all started? It was the first time I had been away from my grandmother who had protected me and that’s when the abuse started.

I didn’t say what time period I was referring to because in all honesty it started in that town and had continued until I cut her off as an adult. But she just so happens to mention the beginning? Oh, but she doesn’t remember the entire time?

Let’s get real here and I will break this down:

One of her oldest friends, someone she talks to and about, and we’ve seen in years past…she met this woman in this town! Let’s get even more real. The man who became my stepfather? Was married to my mother’s first cousin and they ran around behind her back for years…including him living with us in THAT town! He is the reason we moved there! You don’t remember having an affair with your cousin’s husband? In the same town where his wife and children lived? Hmmm…well he got divorced there and OH! You and he got married there! IN THAT TOWN! But you don’t remember any of that huh?

Whatever.

She then brought up that I didn’t have a problem with her when my husband and I were newly married and things were tight. This was an incredible amount of bullshit. We painted their house one time and they paid us for it. But they were going to paint the house anyway and we needed the money so it was mutually beneficial.

You know what? Screw that argument. Let me tell you the difference between a normal parent and my mother. At this same time in our early married life, my husband stained a deck for his parents. This story recently was brought up by my husband to his parents (before the mother contacted us) and you know what? His parents didn’t even remember that they had paid him for that. You know why? Because normal people don’t keep track of something that happened well over 10 years ago so that they can hold it over your head for the rest of your life!

But my mother wasn’t done and this was just great. She said that I also didn’t have a problem with her when I…and I quote here: “sold her mother’s house.”

This is classic bitch behavior for two reasons: A) Her mother, was my grandmother. The one who raised me for almost the first 6 years of my life while my mother was galavanting all over creation. And B) I inherited her estate so the house was mine. And my mother never forgave me for being loved by my grandmother. She hated our relationship and the bond we had. My grandmother was my mother.

Because she still lived in the state my grandmother’s house was in and I didn’t, I asked her to represent us at the selling. She said that she wouldn’t unless I paid her thousands of dollars. And guess what? I did. She didn’t do me any favors. She demanded lots of money and I paid it. Case closed.

After claiming she forgot about 4 years of my life and bringing up money, she went to her old stand-by excuse, which is that I’m only saying this because I’m bipolar.

SHE HAS LEARNED NOTHING!!!!

There are people in this world who are self-critical and always question what they’ve done. They point the finger at themselves, even when they shouldn’t. Then there are people like my mother who always point the finger at others. It’s never their fault. They never do anything wrong. Everyone is out to get them. People are so mean to them.

I’ve never heard my mother apologize for anything, which is ridiculous because we all make mistakes. But not her. It’s always someone else’s fault.

How did I handle her response? I chose not to engage.

She wanted a list of what I claim she’s done but we’ve already been over this many times before. I choose not to engage. I will not break my communication silence to bicker needlessly. I know what she’s done and I know who she is. I will not engage.

My therapist agreed with my decision but I already knew that it was the right one. Let her live out her days beating and harassing my spineless stepfather. I want no part of her.

There’s more to this week of crap and I’ve decided to break it up into two posts. The next one will follow…

Advertisements

About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Child Abuse, Family Relationships, neglect, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, Toxic Parents, Trauma and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Sometimes crap comes together all in one week. Part 1

  1. Angel O'Fire says:

    Your mother and life is almost the exact mirror of mine, omg, my mother is the same toxic bitch as yours, and I too have broken contact with this women for similar reasons to you, wow, reading this as I read it out loud to my partner, he asked me if I was sure I did not write this, I told him no, that it was a blog I was following, my grandmother was also my mother, sadly she passed away just over 8 years ago, however her estate in which she left the majority of her assets to myself and eldest son is currently still in probate, I figure it can stay there, nothing will bring my nana back, however my mother hated me for the love and bond I shared with my nana, god how i miss her.
    take care honey, your not alone, and finally I have found someone out there who has a similar toxic mother to mine, I have a semi smile, as I sigh with almost relief, ((hugs)) Angel

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi Angel,

      Wow, the similarities are definitely there. I’m sorry your mother is so toxic. Sounds like you and I both had grandmothers who loved us and we lost them. Hopefully the thing that can be taken from that is that we are loveable, just not from our mothers.

      ((hugs)) to you as well. 🙂

  2. So many similarities between our Moms. I’ve been estranged for going on 6 years. This first thing my mom did when I stopped calling her was to explain to my nieces and nephews who lived with her that I am bipolar. Actually I’m not. My sister is but Mom could never accept that diagnosis for Jerri. Instead my sister is an addict. Funny that its okay for me to have mental illness but Jerri, who is the oldest and most like Mom. The second thing Mom did was convince my dad to write me out of the will. A normal parent would have called ME and said, “Honey, what’s going on? Can’t we work this out?” I know this because that’s how my mother-in-law responded when she and my husband had a falling out. Anyway, a therapist told me at the time that my mother met the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Have read the book recommended by Chris and it is helpful. I’m sure you’ll recognize your mother there.

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi trophydaughter,

      I completely sympathize and empathize. What your mother did was awful and I’m so sorry! It sounds very crafty of her to manipulate your father and try to distance your family from you by claiming you’re bipolar.

      My mother has told one of her brothers what’s happened by forwarded emails etc. but I could care less what other people think because cutting her off was one of the best decisions I made.

      Maybe one day your family will find out for themselves who your mother really is. 🙂

  3. Meagan says:

    Good for you!!! STAND STRONG! Your mother sounds a lot like mine. She wants to talk about how much she loves you, then attaches strings to it. Wants to bring up money and all she has done, but conveniently forgets the shit she’s done. You sound kinder than me, though. I cut off contact, changed my email and phone number, and deleted my Facebook page. I don’t want to hear from my mother, even if there IS an emergency! My mother won’t admit to what she has done. And everything she fesses up to, she finds some way to blame me. I have tried talking to her so many times. If she would just apologize and not repeat her behaviors (the restrictions you set on your mother), I would be able to get past things. I finally got fed up and decided enough was enough. Since I cut off contact, I’ve been in a much better place. I’m much happier because I don’t have those negative thoughts floating around in my head.

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi Meagan,

      Mothers can do so much damage. I’m so sorry your mother is like this.

      I understand not even caring about emergencies. Actually the only emergency I want to hear about is if she’s dead or dying so I can celebrate. I know that’s mean.

      I’m glad you were able to get your mother out of your life. You’re right, it’s so much better without that negative garbage.

      • Meagan says:

        LMFAO – I feel the same way about wanting to know if she’s dead or dying. That is the ONE thing I regret about that family not being able to contact me. Oh well.

  4. castorgirl says:

    Sending positive thoughts your way…
    CG

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s