Too much to write about and I’m probably too tired to do it but here it is anyway.
First let’s start with my mother. That glowing example of people who should not procreate.
As most of you know, I cut off contact with her…what has it been? A year? Two? I don’t know. Anyway, one of the rules was that she could only contact me through my husband and ONLY in cases of emergency. She broke that rule last weekish and left a message on his cell saying that she’s been crying everyday and she just wanted to hear my voice.
Exactly in what universe does the fact that she’s crying constitute an emergency for me? The answer: it doesn’t. I’ve cried my whole life because of the damage she’s done so she can kiss my ass.
However I wanted to respond so that she would know on no uncertain terms that this was not okay. Previously I have sent replies through my husband. In the initial days of cutting off contact I told her what she had done and why she was being cut off. She in turn called me a liar etc. Fast-forward to this last communication and I decided to email her a very basic, succinct response so that she could no longer claim that it was my husband saying these things.
I told her that the door to re-opening communication was still contingent on the same rules: Admit what you did, sincerely (I repeat sincerely) apologize, and never repeat those behaviors again.
I also repeated that calling my husband was for real emergencies.
Now, I know that my mother’s so-called tears were not for me. They were for her because everything is about her. My therapist said that a normal mother who loved her child would have followed the steps I outlined and opened up communication.
My mother is not normal and my mother does not love me. At least not in the normal way. Her “love’ has always bordered, if not crossed, obsessive. And obsessive is never good or healthy. She hates me almost as much she sickly loves me.
So how did she respond? It was a doozy this time. She said that at 61 years old she is too old to remember what she’s done or what I’m talking about.
I love this part of her reply because she made a point of saying that doesn’t remember the entire time we lived in a certain town.
Now…if she doesn’t remember ever abusing me, why did she specifically mention the town where it all started? It was the first time I had been away from my grandmother who had protected me and that’s when the abuse started.
I didn’t say what time period I was referring to because in all honesty it started in that town and had continued until I cut her off as an adult. But she just so happens to mention the beginning? Oh, but she doesn’t remember the entire time?
Let’s get real here and I will break this down:
One of her oldest friends, someone she talks to and about, and we’ve seen in years past…she met this woman in this town! Let’s get even more real. The man who became my stepfather? Was married to my mother’s first cousin and they ran around behind her back for years…including him living with us in THAT town! He is the reason we moved there! You don’t remember having an affair with your cousin’s husband? In the same town where his wife and children lived? Hmmm…well he got divorced there and OH! You and he got married there! IN THAT TOWN! But you don’t remember any of that huh?
She then brought up that I didn’t have a problem with her when my husband and I were newly married and things were tight. This was an incredible amount of bullshit. We painted their house one time and they paid us for it. But they were going to paint the house anyway and we needed the money so it was mutually beneficial.
You know what? Screw that argument. Let me tell you the difference between a normal parent and my mother. At this same time in our early married life, my husband stained a deck for his parents. This story recently was brought up by my husband to his parents (before the mother contacted us) and you know what? His parents didn’t even remember that they had paid him for that. You know why? Because normal people don’t keep track of something that happened well over 10 years ago so that they can hold it over your head for the rest of your life!
But my mother wasn’t done and this was just great. She said that I also didn’t have a problem with her when I…and I quote here: “sold her mother’s house.”
This is classic bitch behavior for two reasons: A) Her mother, was my grandmother. The one who raised me for almost the first 6 years of my life while my mother was galavanting all over creation. And B) I inherited her estate so the house was mine. And my mother never forgave me for being loved by my grandmother. She hated our relationship and the bond we had. My grandmother was my mother.
Because she still lived in the state my grandmother’s house was in and I didn’t, I asked her to represent us at the selling. She said that she wouldn’t unless I paid her thousands of dollars. And guess what? I did. She didn’t do me any favors. She demanded lots of money and I paid it. Case closed.
After claiming she forgot about 4 years of my life and bringing up money, she went to her old stand-by excuse, which is that I’m only saying this because I’m bipolar.
SHE HAS LEARNED NOTHING!!!!
There are people in this world who are self-critical and always question what they’ve done. They point the finger at themselves, even when they shouldn’t. Then there are people like my mother who always point the finger at others. It’s never their fault. They never do anything wrong. Everyone is out to get them. People are so mean to them.
I’ve never heard my mother apologize for anything, which is ridiculous because we all make mistakes. But not her. It’s always someone else’s fault.
How did I handle her response? I chose not to engage.
She wanted a list of what I claim she’s done but we’ve already been over this many times before. I choose not to engage. I will not break my communication silence to bicker needlessly. I know what she’s done and I know who she is. I will not engage.
My therapist agreed with my decision but I already knew that it was the right one. Let her live out her days beating and harassing my spineless stepfather. I want no part of her.
There’s more to this week of crap and I’ve decided to break it up into two posts. The next one will follow…