Nothing Has Changed

You know, I just looked over some past posts from a year go and more and I’ve realized that I am in exactly the same spot that I was in last year.

That is horrible. There has been no progress, no anything except that now I have disordered eating on top of it.

I’m doing the same whining, the same doubting…just the same everything. It makes me feel like everything this past year has been a waste because nothing has changed.

Screw a year-end wrap up on this blog. There’s no point.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in dissociative identity disorder. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Nothing Has Changed

  1. Karen says:

    I understand your frustration and wish I could help in some way and make all the bad things better, but since I can’t, I’ll just say that there is an upside to the status quo – and that’s that you’re still here, still you and still my friend.

    ❤ xxx

  2. kat says:

    There are certainly these times where one feels, or indeed is, stuck. But you can never move forward if you stop now. Now is the time to keep doing what you do to get thru the days, and if not now, then soon, you will being moving again, making forward progress. So hang in there, dont stop now. You will make it through this, you will move forward. And in the meantime I will send you strength and encouragement to keep hanging on.

  3. Freasha1964 says:

    Hi CI,
    My perception is that you HAVE changed in a positive way. Maybe progress moves in a spiral and when you get one whole level above you can see the oldest part of the spiral and it is the closest -if that makes any sense.
    Anyway, you are hanging in there and there is a lot to be said for that.

  4. castorgirl says:

    Hi CI,

    Just to throw my two cents in… I see the disordered eating as a new way to find out things. This may sound perverse, and I’m not recommending anyone developing an eating disorder… but, I see the disordered eating as another cry of pain, one that may have been silent before, but now has a voice. So, what does that voice have to say? What is it trying to communicate? What is the motivation for the disordered eating, and that pain?

    That sort of brings me to another sign of progress I’ve seen in you CI… you’re able to feel that pain more. Again, this may sound perverse, but you’re able to experience that pain more than you have in the past. That brings good things (healing), and not so good things (pain, confusion, doubts, etc).

    As Freasha said… it’s a journey, and often a spiral one. It may seem like you’re back in the same place, but you’ve moved along a path in order to get to that “same place”… that alone means you’ve not stood still, that you’ve changed, moved, acted, done things. They may not have felt like positives, but they have still moved you into a place that is different from last year… you’ve done a lot of learning in the past year, so I don’t think you’re in the same place… nowhere near it.

    Saying that, I do know the feeling of going nowhere fast… it’s beyond frustrating!

    Please take care and try to go gently on yourself,

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hey CG,

      Actually, I appreciated your take on how the disordered eating is another step. I hadn’t thought about it like that and it makes me think that maybe this year hasn’t sucked as badly as I thought. It’s kind of funny to think of disordered eating as a “positive” but I get what you mean.

      And yes, there’s much more pain but my therapist pointed out that I dissociate less than I used to, so I guess that’s something too.

      Thank you for being my friend and being so supportive. Here’s to 2013 being less awful. 😉

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