My Wishes For The Next Year (Not Fluffy or Pretty)



I’m feeling rather morose and I’ve been thinking about what I want for myself next year. As the items came to my mind I realized that this is not a pretty list. It’s not nice, it’s actually quite…not nice.

But I don’t write this blog to spout platitudes and things I don’t mean. So here’s my list:

  • I want to know once and for all if I was abused beyond the one incident with my uncle
  • I want to remember
  • I want to get thinner, much thinner
  • I want my insurance company to stop being dicks about paying for tests
  • I want my mother to die
  • I want to stop having darkness surround thoughts of my grandmother
  • I want to look as sick as I feel on the inside

I realize that I have little control over most things on this list, but I do have control over a few. If I had a sick genie I would ask him to grant my wishes. I may add or take away from list as the year goes on, we’ll see.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in abuse, Child Molestation, DID, dissociative identity disorder, Eating Disorder, Incest, Multiple Personalities, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, self-harm, Sexual Abuse, Therapy, Trauma and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to My Wishes For The Next Year (Not Fluffy or Pretty)

  1. CimmarianInk, My first impression of your list is that it’s honest. That’s impressive. Of course, like you mentioned, you don’t have total control over many of the wishes on your list. But, perhaps you can experience some level of fulfillment for each want or some sort of variation of the want. I do hope you’re able to find some peace regarding the items on your list! Take care, rl

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hey rl,

      I’m glad people didn’t freak over the dark nature of my list. It’ll be interesting to see what the next year brings, if anything. One thing I’ve tried to do is be more honest with myself because so much of my childhood was lying about what was happening at home and putting on a front to others. You take care too. 🙂

  2. Serenne says:

    I really appreciate reading your list. It’s so hard to get swept away by people’s fluffy and bright lists when actually those aren’t your true desires. I really hope 2013 can bring you peace & answers. ♥

  3. Pingback: End of Year | Burn The Butterfly

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