I’m Tired

As of today, I’ve already reached and surpassed the last weight loss goal I set.

I’ve done this before. Reached a goal and then pushed the number back and set another goal.

Already I’m thinking of pushing the number back again. But I’m so tired guys.

The thought of continuing the restricting and exercising makes me tired and frustrated and sad and just…tired.

I’m tired of this. Well, today I’m tired of it. Tomorrow I’ll probably be neck-deep in dysfunction again.

There really wasn’t a point to this post. Just talking…


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Child Molestation, DID, dissociation, dissociative identity disorder, Eating Disorder, Incest, Multiple Personalities, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, self-harm, Self-injury, Sexual Abuse, Trauma and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to I’m Tired

  1. castorgirl says:

    Hi CI,

    I empathise with the ebb and flow of that disordered thinking… it’s a horrible game unto itself!

    Please go gently on yourself,

  2. kat says:

    yes,do go gently with yourself. maybe instead of all or nothing goals, (either i eat EVERYTHING, or I eat NOTHING) maybe you could set a smaller goal. like, say, gain/ 1 pound, or, to eat/not eat 1 meal. then, you are modifying your behaviors in a manageable and safe way, you still maintain control without it hurting you emotionally and/or physically. maybe as you set these manageable goals and achieve them, you will next be able to set more positive manageable goals and so slowly move yourself from self-harm/constriction to healthful body, body image, and emotions. just a suggestion, good luck no matter what

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hey kat,

      Yes I think small steps will be needed for sure. I have thought that when I’m ready to change my behavior, I would start with something like adding 100 calories a week to my diet so that hopefully I wouldn’t blow up and then backslide. I’m not ready yet but we’ll see. Thanks. 🙂

  3. Valorie Cain says:

    I too suffer from several layers of pts some from childhood, more from teenage years and most recently have survived the most traumatic to date. Strange how we focus this energy towards changing our appearance when what really needs our attention is our insides

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