What Does Discovery Feel Like?


I already wrote about the rather large realization I had about knowing my uncle before the “day” that I remember. A few mornings ago I had another one. It seems like these things come after I wake up. This time the realization was that the “kiss” was not the first time he touched me. I had a really strange feeling as the thought occurred to me; it was like a tingling of nerves washing over my whole body from head to toe. It was so weird, feeling a realization instead of just thinking it.

The last time that happened I was able to lay in bed for a while and just let it sink in, this time I wasn’t able to so I lost the full connection to what I felt and thought. Plus I was really busy that day and the days following so it’s like it got further away.

I’m hoping that I can connect with it again. Another smaller realization came on the heels of the second one but it was less disturbing/impactful.

At the moment I feel like I have three new ideas:

1) I knew my uncle and his wife before the day that I remembered.

2)The odds that he chose kissing me on my underwear in my grandmother’s small house with his wife and other adults close by as the first act is highly unlikely.

3) It also doesn’t make sense that he would have met me for the first time that day and come up with an “endearment” (the nickname he called me) so quickly; one that I would remember my whole life.

That’s all I’ve got for now but I find that documenting these things is helpful.

 

Advertisements

About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Child Molestation, DID, dissociation, dissociative identity disorder, Incest, Multiple Personalities, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, Sexual Abuse, Trauma and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to What Does Discovery Feel Like?

  1. castorgirl says:

    Hi Ci,

    This is really important stuff CI… It makes sense, and is consistent with what happened, and what you’ve said in the past.

    Keep writing things down… they help to clarify, and act as a reminder when there’s swings into doubt…

    Please take care,
    CG

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s