Addictions Continue To Whisper


I’m just realizing how much addiction stays with you.

I’m recovering from an eating disorder but it’s not gone the way I thought it was. Yes the all-consuming compulsion is gone but there are whispers now that haunt me when I’m stressed or anxious. They tell me how easy it would be to starve again, and they’re right, it would be.

I wasn’t expecting the possibility of relapse but maybe I should have.

I fight the suggestion everyday but it feels like an easy path that will remain available to me to slide onto when the going gets rough.

It’s a little too easy and it makes me nervous. The scale has crept up to an alarming number after two weekends of indulgent celebration and too much sitting for various events.

The addiction is ready to come forward if the numbers don’t drop to something we can handle so I can only hope the situation is temporary so things can calm down.

I will try to eat normally but cleanly and to get up and move just to give my body some kind of activity. I really don’t want to go backwards.

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About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Child Molestation, DID, dissociation, dissociative identity disorder, Eating Disorder, Incest, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, self-harm, Self-injury, Sexual Abuse, Trauma and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Addictions Continue To Whisper

  1. kat says:

    you sound like youre doing a great job keeping your head up, staying strong, and not sliding. Stay strong!

  2. castorgirl says:

    Hi CI,

    Yes, EDs can be persistent… But, also remember that you’re in the early stages of recovery… everything takes time, awareness and work… It sounds like you’ve got a really good plan to work with – balanced and healthy 🙂

    When I saw a recent photo of you, I said to a friend how healthy you were looking… It was so good to see…

    Please take care,
    CG

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Thanks CG,

      I just hope I can keep my head above water on this. I absolutely appreciate the support and I hope that one day very soon you and I will both be recovering. ((safe hugs))

  3. Jeffrey says:

    I hear the whispers, too, all the time. Even when I had years of sobriety, I heard them sometimes. (My addiction is alcohol, but your description of your ED rings such a bell, I think we have some things in common.) An important thing I’ve learned (and struggle to apply consistently) is that I only have to deal with my addiction One Day At a Time, just today. Relapse is always a possibility for me (I’ve proved that several times), but as long as I’m doing what I need to do today, I’ll be OK today, and that’s enough. I’ll be rooting for you.

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi Jeffrey,

      I agree that addictions share many commonalities no matter what they are, the roots are similar. One day at a time can be such a challenge but trying to keep it in mind can lessen anxiety. Thanks and I’m rooting for you too.

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