I don’t always write about being bipolar as my focus has been more on trauma work and dissociation, but I’m so slow and stupid that I feel the need to write about my bipolar brain.
Usually if I have some kind of brain fog I can trace it back to a bad night’s sleep or being woken up suddenly which disrupts my sleep. It’s the same this time but it’s lasting a very long time. I think it’s been a week as of today.
Last Thursday I had to stay up past my normal bedtime even though I had taken my Seroquel already. I couldn’t give into it because I wasn’t able to get back home yet so I fought it. That was the first bad night. Then I got woken up by my cats, I think, really early the next morning, so that didn’t help. By Saturday I was having trouble forming words. Literally. I mean that my mouth and lips had trouble forming words and then I could barely get those words pushed past my lips. I felt like I sounded drunk. I’ve been having trouble understanding what people are saying to me and I can hardly tell what time it is at any given point. I can’t concentrate and I’ve had a headache for a week now, yes and actual week of the same headache everyday.
It’s unnerving because it’s making me self-conscious. I feel really nervous if I have to go out or talk to people because I don’t understand them or because I feel like I’m trying to speak with my mouth full of molasses. I’m afraid of looking stupid and having people look at me like I’m weird.
It also doesn’t help that I feel like I’m experiencing some derealization as well, so the world seems odd to me.
Your brain kind of determines your reality so my reality is really wonky right now. Though I have no personal experience, I think actually being drunk would probably be more fun.