I’ve Got Bipolar Brain

I don’t always write about being bipolar as my focus has been more on trauma work and dissociation, but I’m so slow and stupid that I feel the need to write about my bipolar brain.

Usually if I have some kind of brain fog I can trace it back to a bad night’s sleep or being woken up suddenly which disrupts my sleep. It’s the same this time but it’s lasting a very long time. I think it’s been a week as of today.

Last Thursday I had to stay up past my normal bedtime even though I had taken my Seroquel already. I couldn’t give into it because I wasn’t able to get back home yet so I fought it. That was the first bad night. Then I got woken up by my cats, I think, really early the next morning, so that didn’t help. By Saturday I was having trouble forming words. Literally. I mean that my mouth and lips had trouble forming words and then I could barely get those words pushed past my lips. I felt like I sounded drunk. I’ve been having trouble understanding what people are saying to me and I can hardly tell what time it is at any given point. I can’t concentrate and I’ve had a headache for a week now, yes and actual week of the same headache everyday.

It’s unnerving because it’s making me self-conscious. I feel really nervous if I have to go out or talk to people because I don’t understand them or because I feel like I’m trying to speak with my mouth full of molasses. I’m afraid of looking stupid and having people look at me like I’m weird.

It also doesn’t help that I feel like I’m experiencing some derealization as well, so the world seems odd to me.

Your brain kind of determines your reality so my reality is really wonky right now. Though I have no personal experience, I think actually being drunk would probably be more fun.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, derealization. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to I’ve Got Bipolar Brain

  1. You may be suffering from a little Seroquel toxicity. Or toxicity from another medication you take, like Lithium. I would encourage you to call your pdoc right away! At least to check!
    -Liz Ross, author of the http://www.bipolarreality.com blog

  2. Greg G. says:

    I know how you feel I think. I have bipolar disorder, too (and was sexual abused as a child).. I got singled out at work (we have a scent free work place) by a fellow employee who thought I was wearing a scented product. I have a completely scent free home full of hepa filters (I have bad asthma), but despite protesting my innocence got pulled off my work and stuck in a vacant manager’s room all day given an assignment to go over a month of my own work and “grade” it, seeing if their is anything I could have done better. As a note, I have only been back to work for one month after a suicide attempt in September. Massive shame spiral, I haven’t slept in three days and have a headache so bad that I almost puke every time I move my head. Right now the meds I’m on are sinequan (100mg), seroquel (75 mg), xanax (4 of them a night, not sure what strength they are), and oxycodone as needed (recovering from hemorrhoid surgery which left me with two painful anal fissures). Sorry that this is all me complaining, but as they say, misery enjoys company….I just found this site after randomly googling a phrase that I can’t even remember and though your post is over a month old, I felt I needed to post this to let you know you’re not alone in the world out there.

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi Greg, I’m so sorry that you’re having a rough time at work. It’s really difficult to manage both a mental illness and trauma. Medication side effects can add additional stress, so I understand how hard things can be. Hang in there and I hope the situation at work improves. Thanks for commenting too.

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