My inner world is silent. I feel like I’ve been cut-off and I’m super pissed! Of course it’s strange that no matter how many parts I’m mad at, that actually means that I’m mad at myself. It doesn’t change anything and it doesn’t change that it feels like it’s not me. It feels like everyone made a ruckus, showing me things that told me something bad happened to me and now…nothing. Silence. And it’s really unfair. You can’t just open the box and let all the crap be seen, then shut the box and expect me to forget. I’m so angry at these parts for pulling crap like this!
My therapist says that this too is part of the “process”. She said being angry at myself will only make things worse. But it’s not like I can hide my feelings from myself right?She says sometimes there’s a break and that I need to trust the process. Well the Process can kiss my ass. I feel like it should be my decision what I am and am not ready to know. Who the hell are they to decide for me!? I have no control over this and I hate that! I have no control over anything in my life and I’m sick of that too. I’m sick of sitting here, fat, tired, cold, in pain and knowing nothing about my own life.