Down, Down, Down

My stepfather planned to give me some of my mother’s things along with items that had belonged to my grandmother when he traveled through my part of the country this month. He had a tentative date for his trip and said he’d be in touch. Apparently his idea of being in touch means calling the day before he’s going to show up at my door.

He appeared with less than 24 hours notice and brought massive (literally garment bags and suitcases) amounts of my mother’s clothing, including bras, yeah bras…and then he left.

The photo albums that my mother stole from me that belonged to my grandmother? Unless they’re in the bottom of a medium box of knick knacks, they’re not here.

I’m rattled, furious, anxious to the point that I literally can’t breathe well and so depressed I can hardly move. My stepfather continues to blindside me with behavior that is either insane or just plain rude. I continue to coddle him because, damn it, his wife died but you know what? My mother died too and he hasn’t asked how I’m doing at all in at least five months. I’m sick of this nonsense and obscene words are crowding my head with no one to yell them at. I’m sinking fast and I don’t know how to help myself. I have therapy tomorrow, thank god, and I hope that she can help me dig myself out of this mire. It feels like I’m actually suffocating…my lungs seem to just stop taking in air periodically, and it’s freaking me out.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Child Abuse, depression, Trauma. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Down, Down, Down

  1. kat says:

    let it out on him! but now in its raw form…instead, take some time to organize your thoughts and then call or show up at his door unannounced, and firmly and boldly plow thru what you have organized and ‘let him have it’. he needs to hear it, how he’s been behaving badly, and how damaging it is, and how you have boundaries and you will not continue to accept bad behaviour, etc.

    good luck.

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi kat, I do think I’m going to have to be firm with him. I have a plan, sort of, how to handle him. My therapist had some thoughts and it was nice to have some backup.

  2. Freasha1964 says:

    Best wishes for sorting this out with your therapist. I hope the photo album will show up. Could you ask him directly? Maybe he has no clue that you want it. Maybe he has no clue about proper etiquette, either. But now is your best chance to get that album. He needs to know you want it. It is not unreasonable to make this request.
    Bras, eh? You the same size, or what?
    Big hug to you, if you would like one from me.

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi Freasha, he knows 100% that I want them. We discussed it quite thoroughly. I looked in the box and as I thought, the albums are not there. And you’re right that if I wait too long I’ll never get them. My mother and I were so NOT the same size. It’s like he emptied the closet and jump dumped random stuff in suitcases and bags and dumped them off. It made no sense. And thanks for the hug, I’ll take it. 🙂

  3. Faith says:

    He seems to lack the ability to see how his behavior affects others.

    When reading about the albums it reminded me of the experience I had w/ my mother concerning photos. I wasn’t certain I’d get another chance to get the photos. I was to go to her house for them but 2x when I arrived she didn’t have them. I sat through hours of that woman talking to me. I took all her verbal toying and verbal punches. I kept telling myself that I was only there to get the photos. Finally when I was told I could copy them I got a nice surprise. I wasn’t allowed to have any photos of my sister as an adult. She was allowed to remove any photo she didn’t want me to have. I was mad and then quiet. I took all that crap and then got sucker punched.

    While reading your experience it reminded me of that. One never knows what an abuser is going to do. They are self serving people, manipulative and unrelenting as they pummel with fists of guilt.


  4. Heather B says:

    After The Passing Of My Parents Less Than Two Years Apart.. Who Even In My Twenties Will Always Be My Very Best Friends. My Journaling & Art Helps Me The Most. I’m Glad You Can Get Words Out. Talking It Out With Ones Who Truly Understand Helps.. Trauma Is Hard To Deal With When We’re So Fragile & Depressed. Good Luck.. Man.

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