I feel like this blog is going to be all over the place. Maybe it already has been. Sexual abuse, physical, emotional and mental abuse, bipolar disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD, chronic illnesses both new and old, sexual abuse-related compulsive behavior… sometimes there’s a bunch of crap going on. Sometimes only a few of these things are outright bothering me at a given moment.
Jeez, I had to come back and edit this post to add my mother’s death to the list. Tells you how well my brain is working.
Today has been full of headaches, fatigue and annoyances. Then out of nowhere…sexually compulsive behavior, fantasies of abuse and even as it was happening I just started crying, without tears. I wailed…I was so sad and maybe scared too. It felt like it was about something deeper, I just don’t know what. I mean I can figure out on my own that it concerns my uncle but the specifics elude me.
I just wanted to document this whole stupid day so maybe if I come to understand it in the future I can look back at this with some clarity.