A Little Bit Right?

I always do this. I always think that unless I have a novel to post I can’t post anything here. I need to get over that because I know I onlt have maybe 3 of you left who even read this thing anymore!

I could blame myself but honestly I can pass the buck in a way. I had NO idea how much my interim therapist killed my inside until my last few sessions with my new and wonderful therapist. I adore her. I look forward to seeing her. My parts are back and one of them, Nicole, the part that has held so much of my anger and how now evolved, she was so ready to come out and talk to our new therapist she almost didn’t wait until we got into the office.

I feel more connected inside. I can’t believe it. So much damage was done you guys!!! Oh my goodness. I’ve got repair work to do because of this last therapy disaster. I should have taken better care of myself but I was intimidated and overly optimistic.

I’ve had some rough bipolar moments too that I should write about…things requiring trigger warnings. Maybe later.

I missed you guys. I’m sorry I lost so many of you. I can’t say that I’m really all the way back YET because as I told my therapist, part of me died in this last process and I need to come back and get myself together. My writing, the writing inside me that made me who I am…died… it’s gone and I’m trying to dig for the buried strings and clean them off and see if I can grasp them again and hold on. They’re there I just need more time. Ugh. Guys there was so much damage! Ugh!!!!!!! I’m here. I’m here.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in Alters, bipolar disorder, DID, dissociation, dissociative identity disorder, Incest, Multiple Personalities, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychiatry, PTSD, suicidal ideation, Therapy, Trauma and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to A Little Bit Right?

  1. plf1990 says:

    I love this. I love how you took control of what you needed and made a decision about what was right for you. Really inspiring, well done xx

  2. Freasha1964 says:

    Hi CI! You haven’t lost me. I bet you have way more than 3 left, silly you! My heart is warmed that you have felt so much healing change inside, and sorry that you had to back up so far and find a new path. But sometimes, that kind of works in our favor- getting a new reference point to add to the others, even if a painful one. I am feeling rather nebulous at the moment. Maybe that’s enough for now.

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi!!!! The positive side of all of this is I feel really safe with my new therapist and really energized going there even when what we’re talking about isn’t so great.

      I wish we could talk about you. I’d like to know what’s happening with you dear. I’m so weird checking my email address connected to this account because I have to switch over to, I know like it’s SO hard to change over right LOL!? It’s more like when I switch accounts it takes a while to scroll through the junk mail in there too BUT if you ever want to talk, just comment here or is there a message function here??? I have no idea yeesh. Anyway, if you do, we could pm somewhere else because we’ve known each other forever and I’d do that for you. 🙂

  3. Blackdaria says:

    Glad you are back, even for this moment. I usually check your post everyday, but I do know you are dealing with other things. As much I look forward to your postings, you need to do what’s best for you and focus on that. At least you found a therapist you adore. It’s an amazing feeling when you have someone you can connect with.

  4. Faith says:

    You’re here and so are your readers.
    It’s good to hear your voice.

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