Which Blog Is This???

Hello dear readers. It’s time for another episode of “oh look, she’s back after she said she’d be around more, AGAIN.”

Yes, I am the worst and that actually brings me to the title of today’s entry: which blog is this? It would actually be more appropriate to ask, what kind of blog is this? No… that’s not right either. The issue I’m struggling with when I think about posting sometimes is that I started this off mostly as a bipolar disorder blog, well sort of and… huh…maybe a place to talk about abuse? I can’t even remember now. BUT, eventually, when I became aware that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, I also added that as a theme of this blog, however it came much later.

What I struggle with is, I don’t know how many of you were/are here for bipolar stuff, how many of you are/were here for abuse stuff and how many of you are/were here for DID stuff.

I feel guilty as if perhaps my shift into speaking so much about abuse or DID and not as much about bipolar disorder alienated my readers who had come here for information/support about that. Or perhaps if I want to talk about bipolar disorder, those who are only here for abuse or DID will be pushed back.

I have a post I’d like to do about the importance of sleep meds in bipolar disorder but I honestly don’t believe that there are any bipolar readers left here anymore because I’ve driven them all off.

I have a post to write about being completely overwhelmed by trauma and therapy when your system has been shutdown for so long but I feel bad talking about it because I haven’t talked about bipolar disorder enough AT ALL!

I’d like to post about the desire to be loved/liked/desired and how it manifests on instagram and makes you feel awful.

I’d like to talk about my feelings on people who get diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and why people treat them like lepers.

See…I have a LOT to talk about but I feel like I haven’t lived up to the NAME of the blog by balancing the audience it’s supposed to be for. It makes me hesitate to post over and over and over…you guys… you have NO idea how many times I hesitate to post.

This doesn’t even BEGIN to address that I’ve never told you what really happened to me almost a year ago for months after, that is still effecting me now and definitely has a huge impact on my focus. However, this blog is not about that subject and I would need to start a new blog to whine and moan and groan over there. Hell no thanks! Yes, I just combined two word terms into one. That just happened.

What do you guys think? 

I usually get about three comments but if any anonymous readers want to pop out and say something, go for it.


About CimmarianInk

Abuse Survivor Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) also known as Multiple Personalities
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, Child Abuse, Child Molestation, DID, dissociation, dissociative identity disorder, Eating Disorder, Incest, Mania, Multiple Personalities, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychiatric Drugs, Psychiatric medication, PTSD, self-harm, Sexual Abuse, Therapy, Trauma, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Which Blog Is This???

  1. JJL says:

    I am a sometime reader of your blog. I’ve actually gone through a very similar journey as you have in terms of being first diagnosed with bipolar, taking the drugs, then going through more diagnoses, having to switch therapists multiple times, then eventually discovering that I was abused, and that I have DID. I think that this story is unfortunately more common than you’d think. So at least those of us who are on a similar journey as you’re on, we understand and even appreciate your posts, and sometimes lack thereof, and the switching focus, etc etc. Healing is messy. And having a messy blog just reflects that, so don’t think twice. Say anything you want to say (or don’t if you need a hiatus). Don’t worry about disappointing people. If writing this blog helps your healing, no matter how messy it is (or maybe because it is), then God bless. And thank you for being brave and sharing.

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi JJL,
      First of all, I appreciate the ‘sometime readers’ very, very much so, thank you. Secondly, I really needed to ‘hear’ what you said. Having someone else describe my own process back to me was strangely eye-opening because as I was seeing what you have been through (and JJL, I am truly, truly sorry for all of the pain you’ve been through in your life), I felt sympathy and empathy for you and agreed that of course, this junk is messy! So if I can feel that way about your process, why can’t I ease up on myself a bit?
      At the same time I need to figure out some of my resistance.
      Thank you SO much for commenting, really. 😊

  2. Blackdaria says:

    We know things is happening in real life so don’t worry about how often or not you are posting. What you are suggesting sounds pretty good. How about if possible some of your readers share a little bit of their stories for your blog? Maybe you can ask this if them and see what they they think? When it’s time for you to write you will. No rush at all. 🙂

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Interaction is good and I wouldn’t mind having some posts where I could have a theme and if people wanted to, either by user name or anonymously, they could contribute a brief experience about that theme and I would gather them together and write and as I got to certain parts I would say “so-and-so expressed it this way” or “**** had this experience” and could be any subject from choosing a therapist, changing meds to hospitalization etc.

  3. Freasha1964 says:

    https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.jsHi CI, I have long ago stopped reading the title of your blog, and therefore have no expectations for what you may write. I generally find your experience(s) fascinating no matter what you write. I have none of the issues this blog is “supposed” to be about, anyway. (Or I don’t think I do!). I think of you from time to time during your hiatuses and realize you have been quiet and simply hope that things are OK and you haven’t left the world for the next plane- plenty of time later for that. You may recall that I kind of migrated over from some other blogs that listed yours as similar reading after searching for mother-loss help. I have stayed with you because I have grown to care about you and continue to be enlightened by your perspective. We all want to be liked (well, some don’t give a damn and some of them are running the country, apparently). Maybe wanting to be liked is inherent in our DNA to help with getting more DNA into another being (read “offspring”) to have some kind of regard for fellow creatures, human or otherwise. (Hope that made some kind of sense the way I intended it).
    I just hope that you are doing OK, and your healing trajectory is in the upward direction. When you are ready, write what ever you wish. If you can help just one person with your experience and insight, that would be a benefit in itself. But take care of you first. Hugs to you.

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Freasha! You know, or goodness, I hope you know that I feel the same way about you! I have no plans for other planes, and yes I wrote it that way for fun. 😁 Of course with mental illness you never know what may have happened to a person or even with life in general so I get that.
      I absolutely understood your DNA comment!
      It’s funny having a blog and going from what was originally just an online journal with small hopes of some interaction with a few others who may understand what you’re going through to feeling a larger sense of responsibility and therefore guilt if you’re failing, or feel you’re your readers.
      I DO remember the old days and our old community and I’m SO grateful to still have you here!
      I’m really glad that I’ve gotten feedback from people I didn’t know because now I understand that it’s okay for me to write whatever without feeling so guilty.

  4. Carly1 says:

    I think many of the readers attracted to bipolar blog or DID trauma blog just want to share in experiences in the mental health world to feel less alone. I think all you suggested writing about would be wonderful to read and you should just share you without worrying about the audience as much. You and your authentic writing style about life and mh struggles is why I read. Diagnosis does not matter to me. It is the life lived.

    • CimmarianInk says:

      Hi Carly,
      Thank you so much for expressing why you come here, it means a lot! You reminded me of a perspective I had lost sight of, which is not necessarily needing to have the EXACT same diagnosis as someone else to still want to read that person’s blog or what’s going etc. I’m glad you brought that up. And yes, the struggle for those with mental health issues can be unifying in of itself. Thanks Carly. 😊

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